


Another Day

by hero_hero



Series: Side Effects [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Open to Interpretation, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Religion, Religious Content, Strangers to Lovers, Supernatural Elements, Touch-Starved, read parts 1 and 2 first!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25080082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_hero/pseuds/hero_hero
Summary: Jisung has finally done it. He’s cleared his name, gotten revenge on his parents, and has gotten away from Hyunjin completely. He’s cut ties from his hometown and is ready to get a fresh start. He’s finally getting better, so why does he keep seeing Hyunjin everywhere?Or, Hyunjin has a hard time staying dead, and he makes Jisung’s life a living nightmare. (what else is new)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix
Series: Side Effects [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795030
Comments: 39
Kudos: 127





	Another Day

**Author's Note:**

> ***read parts 1 & 2 first!!***
> 
> tw // reference to past abuse, mentions of rape, dark mental health themes, some horror elements 
> 
> This one is a bit different than the other two but honestly I love it. I'm really really happy with how this part turned out! 
> 
> As always this is unbeta'd, so there might be some typos and plotholes....
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Felix had this lucky talent—or maybe it was more of a curse—of people finding him in his time of need. It happened with Chan, when Felix was a lonely foreign student struggling through the culture shock. Chan took him in and helped him get through it, especially since he was from the same country and understood exactly what Felix was going through.

Then it happened with Seungmin, after Chan was murdered right in front of Felix, and Felix was spiraling in an endless abyss of grief, anger, and pain.

He was so alone. So confused. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, could barely even stay in his apartment anymore. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Chan. Every time he tried to sleep, he dreamed he was in Chan’s arms, and every time he woke up, he found himself in the middle of reaching for Chan, only to find the bed cold and empty. Every time he even set foot in the living room, his eyes went to that one section against the wall, where Chan had bled out in his arms. It was an endless cycle, just Chan, Chan, Chan.

It didn’t help that Chan was all Felix had, all Felix thought he ever needed. Chan was Felix’s entire world, and now that he was gone, Felix didn’t know how to go on.

He dropped out of classes, at first temporarily, then permanently. He couldn’t focus. Didn’t see the point. Sure, Chan would want him to get his degree, since that was the whole point of Felix coming here in the first place, but Felix just…didn’t see the point.

What did a dance degree matter when Chan was dead?

It didn’t. So Felix dropped out.

He did keep his job at the dance studio, though. Still had to eat and pay rent, unfortunately. And even with the money Chan had left him, Felix was struggling to make ends meet every single month.

Life was awful. Pointless. Felix didn’t want to go on. Not without Chan.

This was how Seungmin found him. It was at the dance studio, of all places. Felix had just finished teaching three classes back-to-back, and he was exhausted. He was always exhausted these days. Too much time spent trying to put on a smile and act like his cheerful self so he didn’t scare the kids.

He had his back to the door as he gathered up his things when he heard it open. At first he thought it was a parent, but when he glanced over his shoulder, he frowned.

This…was definitely not a parent. This was a young man around his age, with porcelain skin and reddish brown hair hanging in his eyes. Felix blinked and turned around to face him completely, momentarily caught off-guard by how handsome he was. And the way he was dressed…he looked rich.

“Hi,” Felix said, forcing his cheerfulness again. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Felix?” the young man asked.

“Yes?”

“My name is Kim Seungmin.” The young man smiled.

“Nice to meet you,” Felix said politely. He frowned. “Are you an older brother to one of my students?”

“Oh, no, no.” Seungmin smiled again. “I’m here to talk to you about, well, _you_.”

That made Felix’s heart quicken, but he managed to keep a pleasant expression on his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Why, exactly, do you want to talk to me about me?”

“Well, to put it simply, I’d like to talk about Chan.”

Felix’s smile dropped. He quickly swallowed and turned back to his backpack. “Oh. So you were Chan’s friend.”

“Not exactly,” Seungmin said. “I was Hyunjin’s friend.”

Felix’s heart practically stopped altogether. He turned back around, his eyes going wide. Seungmin just smiled at him again, seeming to be nothing but polite and friendly.

Felix didn’t trust him for a moment.

“I don’t have it,” Felix said, backing up a step. “Chan never kept a stock on-hand, and he never taught me how to make it because I honestly don’t have the aptitude for it. It’s gone. You’ll have to find someone else or some other way to get what you want.”

Seungmin’s brow furrowed but he kept his polite smile on his face. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re a friend of Hyunjin’s,” Felix said. “You’re here for the love potion because Hyunjin wanted a love potion but I don’t have any. You’re out of luck, I’m sorry.”

His hand had slipped into his pocket, where he pulled out his phone and pressed the emergency button. If Seungmin made one move, all Felix needed to do was call the police and then pray that they got here fast enough.

“A love potion,” Seungmin repeated, now frowning. “Hyunjin…wanted a love potion?”

Felix nodded slowly. “Isn’t…that what you’re here for?”

“No,” Seungmin said. “No, I’m here to talk to you because I honestly want to know if you’re okay.”

Felix blinked at that. “You…why would you care? I’m nobody. I’m a stranger to you—I’m a _murderer_ to you. I’m the one who shot and killed Hyunjin.”

He should feel guilty about shooting and killing someone, but honestly? After all the pain from Chan’s passing, Felix didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty. Instead, he felt angry, like he wished Hyunjin was still alive so he could kill him again, but slower. More painfully. Just so he could get proper justice for Chan.

“I know, I read the news reports,” Seungmin told him gently. “I know it was in self-defense. You only shot him after he broke into your apartment and killed your husband. I don’t blame you for what happened to him. No, no, I blame someone else.” His expression darkened, ever so slightly. “Hyunjin wasn’t acting alone. Someone provoked him, someone who’s infinitely more dangerous than him, someone who’s rotten to the core and needs to be brought to justice. Someone who’s still alive—who’s walked free completely.”

Felix stared at him.

“You may have heard of him,” Seungmin said. “His name’s Han Jisung. He’s a psychopath. And _he’s_ the one who’s really responsible for Chan’s death.”

Han Jisung. Felix had heard that name, a few times. Chan had said it right before Hyunjin shot him. And before that, it had been in the news.

“I think we have mutual interests,” Seungmin continued. “I think you want revenge. And I’m here to help you get it.”

Felix looked up at him. Seungmin smiled at him.

“How exactly do you expect to get revenge?” Felix asked.

Seungmin’s smile widened. “We make Han Jisung wish he’d never been born, of course.”

*

Seungmin, in Felix’s time of need, found him. Seungmin brought him out of a time of darkness and suffering. Seungmin gave him a purpose again. He made Felix’s life better by making sure he wasn’t alone anymore.

Better yet, he solved Felix’s most glaring problem.

“You’re not from here, are you?” Seungmin asked a few days after their first meeting.

They were in Felix’s (and Chan’s) apartment. Felix was making Seungmin tea and rummaging in his pantry for any suitable snacks. He glanced over his shoulder at Seungmin, who stood at the bar, glancing over Felix’s mail. It had piled up substantially over the past few weeks. Felix didn’t have the heart to look through anything that was addressed to Chan, not even the stupid catalogue from the local music store.

“No, I’m not,” Felix said. “I came here for college, then decided to stay for good.”

“I thought it was strange that someone your age was already married,” Seungmin said, looking up. “Now it makes sense.”

Felix looked back at the tea as the bile rose in the back of his throat.

“You married Chan to get your green card, didn’t you?”

“No,” Felix said. “I married Chan because I loved him, and he loved me.”

“Right,” Seungmin said. “Then what’s this?”

Felix looked over his shoulder again to see Seungmin holding up a piece of unopened mail. Felix knew what it said without even opening it. He had gotten it weeks ago and had been too sick to open it. Even now he felt like puking just at the sight of it.

Felix tore his eyes from the envelope so he could meet Seungmin’s gaze. “What does it look like?”

“It looks like your visa expired right around the time you married Chan,” Seungmin said. “But since you and Chan weren’t married long enough, you still haven’t gotten your green card, and your visa has expired. It looks like you have about ninety days before you have to leave the country and reapply for a visa.”

“You think holding this over my head will get me to do what you want?” Felix demanded, though his voice was hoarse. “I’ve heard it all before. Hyunjin used the same blackmail against Chan when he wanted Chan to make a bunch of love potions for him.”

“I’m not Hyunjin,” Seungmin said, setting the envelope back on the counter. “And I’m not going to blackmail you. I’m only offering to help.”

Felix snorted. “Help? How?”

“I know you just got out of a marriage, but how would you feel about getting into another one?”

Felix just stared at him, too shocked to think of a proper response. He waited for Seungmin to grin at him and yell, _Psych_! and then laugh at Felix’s stunned expression a moment later. There was no way Seungmin could be serious.

But when Seungmin just kept smiling warmly at him, Felix blinked a few times to clear his head.

“You have a friend...?” Felix began in a small voice.

“No,” Seungmin said, still smiling. “Well, yes, I do, but I was actually talking about me.”

“You hardly know me.”

“But I’m getting to know you. Isn’t that enough?”

“No,” Felix said. “I don’t take this thing lightly, Seungmin. It’s not a fucking joke.”

“What makes you think I was joking?” Seungmin’s face grew serious.

“How can you not be? Why would you want to marry some lowlife like me? You do realize the penalties for marrying just for a green card, don’t you? It’s a huge risk we’d both be taking.”

“I understand that.” Seungmin’s tone was so calm. Felix, by contrast, sounded shrill and panicky. “It will be okay, Felix. No one is going to suspect a thing. Besides, don’t you want to stay here? Don’t you want to stay here instead of going back to your home country and waiting for god knows how long to get your visa back? You have a life here, Felix—I’m just trying to help you keep it.”

He sounded so sincere...Felix couldn’t help but fall for it.

“If you’re okay with marrying me...”

Seungmin smiled. “Of course I am. Otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it.” He walked forward until there was less than a foot of space in between them. “I’ll take care of you, Felix.”

Felix closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the promise.

*

A week later, he found out the real reason why Seungmin wanted to marry him.

They weren’t even married yet—just engaged. The wedding was going to be a cute, rooftop wedding with only a select handful of guests allowed, and it wasn’t for another week. Seungmin’s family would be there, along with all of his friends from school. He had introduced them all to Felix throughout the week, always explaining to them that they met at school and had been secretly dating for while. Felix was uncomfortable with all of the attention, especially when there were suspicious gazes underlying most of the smiles. He just prayed that none of them knew his face or name from the news reports.

A week before the wedding, though, Seungmin and Felix were sitting in Seungmin’s townhouse, where Felix couldn’t help fidgeting as he gathered the courage to ask Seungmin something that had been on his mind for days now.

“So, um.” Felix cleared his throat. “Hey, Seungmin?”

“Hmm?” Seungmin didn’t look up from his notes. He had taken a month or two off from in-person classes after the death of his best friend, but he still kept up with all the work by doing his designated readings and assignments. Since he was pre-med, it basically meant that he had no free time at all. Barely any time to pay attention to Felix.

“After our wedding,” Felix began, still fidgeting. “Er, the night after, I guess. Are we, um, going to…do anything...?”

“Well, to be honest, I was planning on studying some more. I have a huge test coming up that I can’t afford to get less than a ninety-five on. I’ve managed to keep all of my grades from slipping below a ninety-seven, so I intend to keep it that way until the end of the semester.”

Felix blinked. “You’re going to be studying all night?”

“For at least two hours.” Seungmin flipped a page.

“Oh.” Felix didn’t know how to feel about that. Did he feel relieved, especially since he was still grieving over Chan and could barely handle Seungmin touching him for longer than a few seconds? Or was he disappointed to be reminded of what a sham their marriage actually was?

Seungmin looked up and blinked at Felix’s disappointed expression. “You didn’t think we were actually going to do anything, did you?”

“No,” Felix said quickly, only to cringe. “I don’t know.”

“Do you... _want_ to do something?”

“Maybe? I guess it would just make it feel more official.” Felix wrapped his arms around his torso and avoided Seungmin’s gaze. His entire body felt like it was on fire.

Seungmin smiled at him. “Felix, it’s okay if you want to.”

“But it’s not just about what I want. It’s about what you want, too.”

“I’m fine with it.” And with that, Seungmin went back to studying.

Felix knew he should just give up, since it was difficult to get Seungmin’s attention a second time, but there was another question nagging at the back of his mind, one that had been nagging for even longer. He just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Then after we’re married, what are we going to do about Han Jisung?”

Seungmin sighed and looked up. “I have it all figured out, don’t worry.” He gave Felix a sweet smile before looking down again.

“Were you going to tell me what you’ve figured out, though?”

“Felix. Just because we’re getting married doesn’t mean we’re going to actually be close or tell each other things. I’ll have my own life still, and I fully expect you to have your own life. Getting married is really just another box to check off, if you think about it. Just another problem we solved.”

Felix frowned. “But, the whole reason you came to me in the first place was to ask me if I want to do something about Han Jisung. And now you’re not even going to tell me what your plan is to bring him down?”

“Well, I was going to wait until _after_ we got married, but if you’re really so curious...” Seungmin studied Felix for a moment before sighing again and saying, “I was just thinking...the least you could do after I agreed to marry you and keep you from getting deported is to do what I say when we start going after Han Jisung.”

“And what, exactly, are you going to tell me to do?” Felix was starting to get a really bad feeling about where this was going.

Seungmin smiled again. “I want you to get close to him and get him to trust you.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all. For now.” Seungmin looked back at his notes. “Now, be a good fiancé and let me study.”

Felix had no choice but to drop the subject for now and hope that he would be able to get more information before it was too late.

*

The wedding came and went. Seungmin barely gave Felix a peck on the lips when the minster said they could kiss. And afterwards, they had set one foot through the door of the townhouse before Seungmin was tugging off his tie as he walked upstairs. Felix followed, mostly because he was hopeful about possibly changing the mood, but of course that didn’t happen at all. He ended up taking a bath and staring out the window over the tub while trying to ignore the ache and emptiness in his chest.

He missed Chan. He missed Chan so much.

Seungmin didn’t even allow them to muse over the possibility of a honeymoon. He needed to study. And Felix had better things to do, he said, than waste his time lying on a beach somewhere. Which meant he had to start carrying out their plan. Seungmin called it “their plan,” but really it was just “Seungmin’s plan” because he wouldn’t tell Felix anything about it other than the fact that he needed Felix to get close to Han Jisung.

“How do you want me to get close to him?” Felix asked, frowning.

Seungmin shrugged. “Any way you can. Seduce him, if you want. Or befriend him. You just need to get him to trust you unconditionally and not suspect a thing. It won’t be that difficult. He’s completely alone right now—just moved to a brand new city after cutting ties with everyone in his past. He’s desperate. Vulnerable. All you need to do is spin some pretty lie about just moving there yourself and looking for some friends too, and he’ll practically throw himself at you.”

“But how do I even start that?” Felix asked. “How do our paths cross?”

Seungmin shrugged. “That’s up to you. You’re smart—you’ll figure it out.”

Felix wasn’t entirely sure that he would.

*

Jisung was living the dream.

In the past month, he had gotten to drive wherever he wanted in his own car—a black Porsche Macan—so he had wasted no time hitting the nearest highway, going high speeds with all the windows down. He should have bought a convertible, but he was looking for something reliable and less flashy. A Porsche was still somewhat flashy, but since this was more of a sporty SUV, he doubted he would be getting many looks. Which was exactly what he wanted.

He drove all day, trying to get as far away as possible. He wasn’t really sure where he was going. All he knew was that he was free and he had money in his pocket, which was more than he could ask for a few months ago.

The only thing he was missing, he supposed, was someone in the passenger seat, willing to go to the end of the world with him.

He kinda had someone. Unfortunately.

He turned up his music as high as he could tolerate and raced down the highway at a speed that should have given him a heart attack. He passed rich estates and manicured lawns and lush forests, then smaller houses with moderate yards, then open fields full of nothing but long grass and some cows and horses, occasionally dappled with little farmhouses with their RVs parked out in front. He drove through cities and small towns, by lakes and hills, and, at one point, crossed a mountain pass.

The first night, he slept in a motel. It was old and rundown and had bugs in the shower, but Jisung was fine with it. It was better than the fancy, five-star hotel on the other side of town, which cost an arm and a leg for the night. Jisung had a massive amount of fortune, but he planned on it lasting him for as long as possible, so he was going to stay in a cheap motel and eat cheap food for the time being.

Besides, he had been in worse conditions.

When he crashed on the creaky bed, he let out a content sigh despite the springs digging in his back. He was smiling as he let his eyes close, knowing that tomorrow would be just as good.

He was just drifting off when he felt the bed sag next to him, and then someone was whispering, “Jisungie.”

Jisung’s eyes flew open as his heart rate skyrocketed. Every single inch of him tensed, pumped full of adrenaline. He never thought he would hear that voice ever again.

But when he turned his head to the side, he saw that painfully familiar smile, and those sparkling, catlike eyes, and his good mood vanished.

Hyunjin grinned at him, his head propped up on an elbow, his body less than an inch away from Jisung’s. Jisung swore he could feel the heat radiating from him.

No. This wasn’t possible. Hyunjin was dead. Jisung had seen his grave, the fresh soil covered in bouquets of flowers. He had even put his own bouquet down. (well, before he kicked it away)

He had said _goodbye_. He had listened to Hyunjin literally draw his last breath on the phone. Hyunjin was _dead_.

“What’s wrong, Jisungie?” Hyunjin asked, reaching out to flick a chunk of hair away from Jisung’s face. “Surprised to see me?”

Jisung couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even move, or scream. He was too paralyzed with fear.

 _You’re not real_ , he wanted to say.

“Oh, but I am,” Hyunjin said.

Somehow, Jisung fell asleep that night, and when he awoke early the next morning, Hyunjin was gone. The bed was cold next to him. There wasn’t even an indent in the lumpy bed.

Jisung reached up and rubbed his eyes. It was all a dream. It was all just a dream. He was still scarred from his relationship with Hyunjin, that’s all.

Maybe, when he found a place to settle down, he’d look for a therapist. He figured he could use the therapy, as long as they didn’t pump him full of drugs again and admit him to a hospital.

The motel didn’t offer any breakfast, so Jisung drove to a nearby McDonalds and bought food and the strongest coffee they had.

He didn’t drive as fast this time. He didn’t roll the windows down, or crank up the music. He just kept his eyes on the road and tried not to let his mind wander.

When he stopped for lunch at another McDonalds, he felt so exhausted and out of it that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to drive. But he didn’t want to stay in this backwater town in the middle of fucking nowhere. There was nothing to see here but corn and cows. He needed to push on.

As he got back into his car and got back on the road, though, he just so happened to glance in the rearview mirror. His eyes met another’s, and he almost drove off the road.

“Whoa, careful, Jisungie, don’t want to crash this pretty, new car of yours.”

Hyunjin was sitting in the backseat. He was smiling. His skin glowed. His eyes glittered. He looked so _alive_.

How the hell did he get in Jisung’s car? Was he following him?

“Not following you,” Hyunjin said, now from Jisung’s right. “I’ve been with you this whole time. Haven’t you noticed?”

When did he move to the passenger seat? Jisung felt like passing out.

He had to pull off on the side of the two-lane highway. Semi trucks and minivans went rocketing past. Jisung barely noticed. He was too busy covering his face and telling himself, _He’s not real, he’s not real, he’s not real._

“Rude,” Hyunjin said. “Let me drive, Jisungie. You’re not fit to drive when you’re having a mental breakdown like this.”

“I’m not having a breakdown,” Jisung snapped. He looked up and felt the words and the fire in him sputter and die.

He hated Hyunjin, he really did. But he wasn’t blind. Hyunjin was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen, and right now, sitting in the passenger seat, dressed in a white shirt and a retro red and blue jacket with stripes down the sleeves, with his long, dark hair tucked behind his ears, Hyunjin looked _stunning_.

So stunning that Jisung momentarily forgot to breathe, though he wasn’t sure if his heart pounding in his chest was from the panic or…something else.

Hyunjin smiled at him. “What?” he teased. “Never seen such a beautiful human being before?”

“Get out of my car,” Jisung said, though his voice was hoarse.

“You’ll ditch me, right here?” Hyunjin made a show of looking around. “In the middle of nowhere? Where I have to either walk thirty miles back to that shitty redneck town or put out my thumb and put myself at the mercy of whoever will pick me up?” He tilted his head to one side. “I know you hate me, Jisungie, but I never thought you’d put me at risk of being raped and murdered.”

“You’re already dead,” Jisung scoffed. “You’re dead. _You’re dead_.”

“Oh, that’s right, isn’t it…” Hyunjin looked down at his white shirt and pulled back his jacket. There, on his right side, was a massive, dark stain. Jisung almost threw up at the sight.

“It hurt, Jisungie,” Hyunjin said, his voice distant. “But you know what hurt more? That you weren’t there to save me. You weren’t there at all. You didn’t care.”

“Hyunjin—”

Jisung blinked, and then Hyunjin was gone. The passenger seat was empty, save for a few food wrappers and crumpled receipts. No evidence of another person sitting there.

Jisung stared for several moments, dangerously close to hyperventilating. He forced himself to close his eyes and take deep, calming breaths. It didn’t really help. He tore back onto the road, pressing the pedal almost completely flat.

He ended up pulling off the road earlier than usual that night. He went to a fancier restaurant and ordered steak. He stared outside the window for most of his meal, wondering if he’d see Hyunjin walking by.

Hyunjin didn’t show up until later, when Jisung walked into his motel room. He was already lounging on the bed, dressed the exact same as earlier. He smiled when Jisung stepped inside.

“Bring anything for me?” Hyunjin asked.

“No,” Jisung said. “Ghosts don’t need to eat.”

“Maybe not, but we still _want_ to.”

“So you’ll admit you’re a ghost.”

“Either that or I’m actually still alive.” Hyunjin grinned. “Which would you prefer?”

Jisung didn’t want either. He just wanted to be left alone. But of course Hyunjin would still be with him, even in death. Foolish of Jisung to ever think that he could get away from him.

He decided not to deal with Hyunjin and instead went to take a shower. He turned the water on as hot as he could tolerate and practically rubbed his eyes raw. When he stepped out, Hyunjin was gone. Jisung wasn’t relieved, though. He knew Hyunjin would just show up again.

And he did. Jisung woke up because he couldn’t breathe and found Hyunjin on top of him, staring down at him with those glittering eyes. His hand was around Jisung’s throat. It was loose enough that Jisung could still breathe, but tight enough to ensure that Jisung wasn’t wriggling away anytime soon. The rest of the pressure was from Hyunjin’s body on top of his.

Jisung could only stare up at Hyunjin, too terrified to move or speak or scream, once again.

Hyunjin smiled at him. “Dreaming of me, Jisungie?” he asked, casually lowering himself with each word, until their noses were just barely touching. “I know I was dreaming of you.”

He kissed the corner of Jisung’s mouth. Jisung hated how he closed his eyes, savoring the feeling. He hadn’t been touched by anyone in so long…

“I miss you,” Hyunjin whispered, drawing back slightly. “I miss you so much…”

He kissed Jisung on the lips this time, and Jisung couldn’t help arching up into him.

But then he felt a sharp, unbearable pain in his side, and he cried out. Hyunjin smothered the sound by kissing him again. The pain was so excruciating that Jisung had to pull away, and he tried to look at his side where he felt the sharp throbbing. Hyunjin pulled away slightly too, just so Jisung could get a clear view.

There was a dark stain on Jisung’s left side, a mirror image of the stain on Hyunjin’s shirt. Just looking at it suddenly made Jisung weak, like he had lost large amounts of blood already.

“This way we can be together forever,” Hyunjin said, moving his hand from his throat to cup Jisung’s face.

When he kissed him again, it was like he was sucking out the air from Jisung’s lungs, and Jisung couldn’t get away no matter how hard he tried.

He woke up screaming and gasping for air. He sat bolt-upright, hugging his stomach and frantically checking for a bullet wound. His fingers just brushed smooth skin. He let out a sigh of relief and rubbed at his eyes and face again, trying to forget the pain and the burning of his lungs and the feeling of Hyunjin’s lips on his.

He didn’t fall back asleep that night. He stared at the ceiling instead.

The next day, Jisung realized he was sick of the road. It had only been three days, but he had had enough. He wanted to find a place to settle down, a place he could call his own, where he could fit in and make new friends and feel like he _belonged_. He didn’t want to be alone anymore—he just wanted to feel safe.

He decided to keep driving west, to the ocean. Maybe he’d find a place along the coast. That would be nice. He always felt so calm by the water, despite not being the strongest swimmer.

He was on the road for another two weeks. There were three cities he stopped in for a few days or so, three cities that he thought he could see himself living in. He walked around each one and tried to talk to people in restaurants and stores. The people were nice for the most part, but Jisung couldn’t see himself fitting into the different lifestyles in each one. He kept going.

Each night, he stayed in a motel, and each night, Hyunjin showed up. He liked to put his whole weight on Jisung, since Jisung was always laying on his back, even when he made a conscious effort to lay on his stomach or side. Somehow he always rolled onto his back, and that’s when Hyunjin woke him up.

It wasn’t always painful. Sometimes Hyunjin just laid on his chest and looked at him, a distant and pained look in his eye. Other times he was aggressive like Jisung remembered. The worst times were when Hyunjin gave him a matching wound, and Jisung always woke up screaming and gasping for breath.

Hyunjin didn’t just show up at night, though. Sometimes he showed up in the passenger seat or in the rearview mirror. Other times he sat down across from Jisung at a restaurant. Most of the time, though, when he appeared during the day, he didn’t show himself, and instead voiced Jisung’s darkest thoughts in his head. He made Jisung feel like he was slowly going insane.

By the time Jisung finally reached his final destination, he decided that Hyunjin was going to be a part of his life for as long as he lived. There was no getting rid of him. So he stopped resisting so much and just let it be. At least Hyunjin couldn’t actually hurt him anymore.

His final destination was a city on the coast, practically on the edge of the world. It was humid here and rained a lot, which meant the vegetation was lush and green, and that the bugs were giant and disgusting. But Jisung didn’t really care. He liked the rain, and he liked the ocean. Plus, to the north was a massive forest and a mountain range. There was so much to explore here.

And the people were _nice_. No one seemed to care how weird others were—they just went with it. Jisung liked to judge cities based on their atmosphere and vibe, and this city had a very accepting vibe to it. He could be whoever he wanted here. Truly a fresh start.

He checked into a motel, then went exploring. He drove to the beach first. The ocean was freezing, and the waves were _huge_ , but Jisung loved it. He walked in the surf until his feet felt like they were going to freeze off, then sat on the beach for hours, just taking in the view. Hyunjin sat next to him and was strangely placid. Maybe he liked the ocean too.

In the following days, Jisung went to the harbor, and to the uptown and downtown, and to all of the different districts. He drove around the city and at one point found himself driving through the forest and up to the base of one of the mountains. Another time he decided to explore the public transportation system of buses and subways. He got lost several times, but he always found his way back.

Even better, he found an apartment in a decent neighborhood overlooking the ocean. Granted, the rent was pricey, but this was what Jisung had been saving for all along. Finally, he could have a place of his own, without all the trauma and bad memories attached to it.

Hyunjin liked it, too. It was a studio apartment on the top floor, with more windows than walls, but he liked it. Not that Jisung cared, though. He was determined to ignore Hyunjin until he found a way to get rid of him permanently.

One night, he sat on the wood floor of his studio apartment, looking out at the beach and ocean, dimly lit by the streetlights and moon. He didn’t have furniture yet, so he made a bed out of a couple blankets and a duffel bag, all things he had bought on the road. It was all he owned right now, but he was fine with it. More proof that he was starting completely fresh.

Movement caught his eye, and then Hyunjin was sitting down next to him, letting out a sigh as he did so. He looked out the windows for a moment, then looked at Jisung, who was determined not to look at him.

“Great place,” Hyunjin said.

“Shut up,” Jisung said.

“No, I’m serious.” Hyunjin smiled. “It’s nice. It’s…you. All it needs is a weighted blanket.”

Jisung snorted at that, and Hyunjin’s smile widened.

“I think you’ll be happy here, Jisungie,” he said, leaning over to rest his head on Jisung’s shoulder. “I think you’ll finally be happy.”

Jisung didn’t reply. He knew he would be happy here, eventually. But first, he had to get rid of Hyunjin completely. He truly believed he wouldn’t be happy until Hyunjin was out of his life for good.

For the first time in so long, happiness was finally in reach.

*

The first time Felix saw Han Jisung, he thought Seungmin had the wrong person.

There was no way the kid with the wide eyes, the round cheeks, and the tiny frame was some psychotic murderer. There was no way. Seungmin had to have the wrong person. Or maybe Felix had the wrong person. Either way, it couldn’t be this kid.

Though, Felix supposed that that was how Han Jisung manipulated people. Seungmin had said that Han Jisung liked to act like a victim to get people to feel bad for him, to get them to pity him and therefore make them that much easier to play into his hands. He explicitly told Felix, “Don’t let that cute, innocent demeanor fool you. He’s fucking crazy. The moment you fall for it, he’ll stab you in the back and make it look like you were the one who put the knife there in the first place.”

Felix swallowed and focused on putting on his mask—his fake, cheery smile—as Han Jisung approached him.

“Hi, what can I get you?” Felix smiled at him.

“Hi,” Han Jisung said, almost shyly. He wasn’t meeting Felix’s gaze, though the pink tint to his cheeks might have been an indication as to the reason. “Um...could I get an Americano?”

“Yep, you sure can! What size?”

“Medium, please.”

“No problem, can I get a name for that?”

“Jisung.”

So it _was_ Han Jisung. Seungmin wasn’t wrong after all.

As if Seungmin was ever wrong.

Felix smiled sweetly at Jisung and said, “Nice to meet you, Jisung. I’m Felix.”

Jisung blushed at that. “Nice to meet you too.”

Felix’s smile stretched into a grin, and after he told Jisung his total and Jisung gave him his card, he started chatting idly with Jisung as he made his drink. Lucky for him, Jisung started the conversation.

“Are you new?” Jisung asked.

“Yep! How’d you know?” Felix flashed him a friendly smile as he started on Jisung’s drink.

Jisung’s blush deepened. “I’ve just been coming here for awhile and have never seen you until today.”

“Ah, a regular.”

“Yeah, I usually come in around this time.”

“So late in the afternoon?”

“I have insomnia, so I might as well just have something good to drink while I stay up.” Jisung shrugged.

Felix snorted. “Could always drink alcohol.”

Jisung smirked at that. “Yeah, I could, but that’s bad for you. Coffee makes me much more productive, anyways.”

“I feel that.” Felix finished with his drink and set it on the counter. He gave Jisung a wink as he said, “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jisung had turned red again from the wink, and his hands were shaking so much that he almost spilled his drink when he picked it up. “Yeah,” he managed to say, though his voice sounded a little higher than usual. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Felix beamed at that. “I look forward to it.” Then he gave Jisung one last wink just for good measure and walked back to the register to help the next person.

He snuck a glance as Jisung left the coffee shop. He knew from the way Jisung’s face was still bright red that he had nailed it. Hook, line, and sinker.

*

Jisung, of course, was back the next day. Felix was ready for him.

“Hiya, Jisung!” he said, putting on his best smile. “Back again, same time and everything!”

“Like I said, I need the caffeine,” Jisung said with a little laugh. “And I did tell you I’d see you again today, so…yeah.”

“Glad you keep your promises,” Felix said. “What can I get you?”

He ordered the same thing as yesterday, and this time when Felix wrote his name on the cup, he put a little heart instead of a dot over the “i” in his name.

“How’s your day been so far?” Felix asked as he made Jisung’s drink.

“It’s been alright,” Jisung said. “Um, better now.”

“Oh? Because of the caffeine?” Felix’s smile widened, just because he knew exactly what Jisung was going to say.

“Yeah,” Jisung squeaked. “Because of the caffeine.”

Felix snorted at that. “Well, I can definitely say that my day has improved substantially now that I’ve gotten to talk to you.”

And cue the blushing.

“Wow, you must get a lot of tips,” Jisung said.

“Nothing wrong with being friendly! Especially since I just moved here. Kinda on my own right now. I try to be nice to everyone, but I’ll admit that sometimes I’m extra nice to people just to see if I’ll get a friend out of it.” Felix shrugged.

Jisung blinked at him. “You just moved here? No way.”

“Yep! Here on a student visa, if you can believe it! I wanted to come here to study dance.”

“That’s awesome,” Jisung said. “I actually just moved here too! I mean, I’m from this country, but I’m new to this city. I’m, um, kind of looking for friends too.”

Felix looked up from making his drink just to make eye contact with him as he smiled. “Really? That’s crazy!” He gave a little laugh as he added, “Want to be friends?”

“You’re serious?” Jisung’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, why not!” Felix finished with the drink and slid it on the counter towards Jisung. He didn’t let go of it right away, though—not even as Jisung’s own hand wrapped around it. Instead, he took the opportunity to meet Jisung’s gaze again as he said, “I’m off at six. If you want to go do something.”

“I’d love to,” Jisung blurted, then turned bright red right after.

“Great!” Felix grinned at him and gave him another wink as he withdrew. “See you then!”

He was definitely laying it on too thick, but it didn’t seem like Jisung noticed or minded. That was probably because Jisung was trying to manipulate him back. Maybe Felix should change his tactic, slightly. Maybe he should pretend to fall for Jisung’s manipulations just so Jisung would think that he had the upper hand. Felix was sure that that’s what Seungmin would do.

Ah, Seungmin. He was going to be so proud of Felix once Felix got Jisung to trust him. Maybe he’d finally admit to Felix that he was actually madly in love with him and had been holding back because he didn’t want to interfere with their plan. Maybe once Felix came home after getting back at Jisung, Seungmin would pull him into his arms and kiss him while dipping him, then tell him how much he loved him and how badly he wanted him. Then they’d kiss again and Seungmin would lift Felix up and carry him back to the bedroom, and Felix would wrap his legs around Seungmin’s waist. By the time they’d get to the bed, they’d already be half undressed from the two of them pulling off whatever clothing they could on the way, leaving a trail behind in the hallway. And they’d kiss and kiss and draw so close to each other, letting their hands roam wherever, especially to the places that Seungmin knew Felix loved the most—

Felix blinked and shook his head to snap himself out of it. Maybe Seungmin would do that. Or maybe he’d just spare Felix a smile and a pat on the head before moving on to do whatever he wanted with Jisung. Felix would be lucky to get his approval.

But he wasn’t doing this to get Seungmin’s approval. He had to remind himself of that. He was here to avenge Chan and to find some way to rebuild his life. Seungmin’s approval was just an added bonus. The real prize was to give Jisung a taste of his own medicine, then take it easy afterwards, knowing Chan could finally rest in peace.

This was for Chan.

Jisung was sitting out on the patio of the coffee shop, waiting for him, when Felix got off work at six. He jumped to his feet when he saw Felix and gave a little wave.

“Hi,” he said.

Felix put on a smile as he skipped up to him. “Hi yourself.”

Jisung smiled back at him. “So, what did you want to do?”

“I dunno.” Felix shrugged. “I’m kind of in the mood for something spontaneous. What about you?”

“I, uh, I can be spontaneous.” Jisung nodded. “Sure.”

“Great.” Felix held out his hand to him. “Up for a little adventure?”

Jisung hesitated, a flash of nervousness crossing his face before he finally reached out and took Felix’s hand. He lifted his eyes to Felix and gave a shy smile. “Let’s go.”

Felix ended up dragging him downtown, where they walked around and got ice cream and looked at all the lights and talked about whatever. Jisung was clearly a nervous mess for the first twenty minutes, always fidgeting and making small talk, like, “Wow, it’s really nice out tonight, isn’t it?”

And Felix would say, “It is.”

And Jisung would say, “It is, it is. Very cool. Yeah.” And then blush and go back to fidgeting.

If he wasn’t some psychopath who was responsible for Chan’s murder, Felix might have found him cute.

Sometimes Jisung would get a burst of confidence and say something bold, like when they saw someone skateboarding down the sidewalk, “I bet I could do that. I bet I could do tricks and stuff. I’d look hella cool. I mean, I’m _already_ cool, but I’d be way _cooler_.”

“You are pretty cool,” Felix said with a smile. “I bet you could do it.”

And Jisung would lose his confidence as quickly as he got it. In this case, he deflated a little and said, “But it looks kinda scary. I don’t think I’d do very well on that. I definitely wouldn’t look cool when I fall on my face or ass.”

“Never know until you try,” Felix said.

“Yeah,” Jisung said in a small voice.

They only stayed out for a couple of hours, and then Jisung insisted he walk Felix home.

“No, you don’t need to do that,” Felix said, waving him off. “Really. My apartment isn’t even that far from here.”

“I still want to walk you home,” Jisung insisted. “What direction is it? Maybe we can at least walk the same way for a bit.”

Felix smiled at that and pointed back towards the coffee shop. “It’s that way.”

“Mine too!” Jisung said. “Let’s walk together.”

Felix shrugged it off, and they started walking.

When the building came into view, Felix smiled and pointed. “That’s me.”

Jisung blinked. “Really? That building on the corner?”

“That’s the one.”

“You’re kidding.”

Felix tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“That’s _my_ building,” Jisung said, grinning.

“What! No way!” Felix pretended to be surprised, when he knew this from the start. Somehow Seungmin had tracked down Jisung’s apartment and had arranged for Felix to move in one floor below. It was a huge apartment—almost twice the size as the one Felix and Chan had lived in—and Felix had it all to himself. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.

“We’re neighbors? For real?” Jisung was in shock, but slowly, he started to grin again.

“I know, crazy, right?” Felix said. “What are the odds?”

“Honestly.”

“It’s almost like we were kinda destined to cross paths. We have a lot in common.”

Jisung’s grin widened at that. “You think so?”

“I’d like to believe it.” Oh, so Jisung was a sucker for fate and destiny and shit. Alright, then. Felix could work with that.

They parted ways with the promise to hang out at the same time tomorrow night. This time, they were going to go see a movie. Jisung’s pick. Felix could tell that Jisung was practically bursting with excitement but trying to keep it all contained as he said goodbye. It almost put a real smile on Felix’s face. Almost.

The moment he stepped inside his apartment, though, all the cheeriness and friendliness vanished. Felix scowled as he walked into the kitchen, not even bothering to turn on any lights as he opened the pantry and pulled out a bottle of wine. He carried it back to his bed and curled up with it. Then he pulled out his phone and called Seungmin to give him the latest update. He doubted Seungmin would even answer, but he wanted to call him anyways.

The call went to voicemail. Felix didn’t bother leaving one. Instead, he sighed and texted his report to Seungmin. Seungmin probably wouldn’t even open it until tomorrow afternoon.

With another sigh, Felix popped open the bottle of wine and drank straight from it. He wasn’t looking to get drunk. After a few sips, he set it aside, wrapped his comforter around him tightly, and fell asleep.

*

Jisung wouldn’t stop grinning the entire way up to his floor. He practically skipped up the stairs and down the hall. He hadn’t felt this good in so long. He actually felt hopeful again. Nothing was going to bring him down. He wouldn’t let it.

…he spoke too soon.

Jisung had barely stepped into his apartment when a hand came out of nowhere, wrapped around Jisung’s throat, and slammed him into the back of the door.

Jisung let out a cry out of habit, especially as he stared into the pair of catlike eyes that seemed to bore into him. The cry turned into a whimper as he tried to shrink away from those eyes.

“Out making new friends, I see,” Hyunjin said, his face a mere few centimeters away from Jisung’s. “Care to explain?”

“He’s just a friend,” Jisung said, trying to sound defiant but faltering.

“Oh? _Just_ a friend?” Hyunjin’s grip tightened. “Friends don’t put _that_ kind of a smile on your face.”

“I was just happy! I’ve never really had a friend, Hyunjin, please—”

“I make you happy,” Hyunjin growled. “Me, only _me._ You don’t need anyone else. You just need _me_.”

“You’re dead,” Jisung said. “You’re _dead_.”

“And yet I’m still here.” Hyunjin tilted his head to one side. “Admit it, Jisung, you still need me. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. You want me here, you want me to always be with you, because you don’t know who you’d be without me. And you know it’s true. You know you’re nothing without me.”

Jisung squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to ignore him. After a moment, Hyunjin released him, and Jisung slid to the floor, clutching the sides of his head.

“I complete you,” Hyunjin said. “I took you and made you into something brilliant and stunning, something worthwhile. But without me, you’re nothing but a broken piece of shit that no one wants. Remember that.”

“Go away,” Jisung whispered.

Surprisingly, Hyunjin did, only because he had done what he came to do.

Jisung crawled into his bed that night and tried to hold the tears in. Ever since he got his fresh start, he was determined not to cry anymore. He would not to be so weak anymore. He would reinvent himself into a stronger, more resilient version.

But sometimes, he had setbacks.

He cried himself to sleep.

*

The next day went somewhat better than the first. Felix insisted that he buy the tickets for the movie, but Jisung beat him to it by holding up his phone and saying that he had already paid for them online. Felix pouted and said, “Well, fine, I’ll buy us snacks, then.”

And Jisung managed a small smile.

There was a pained look in his eye that only showed up when he thought Felix wasn’t looking. The first time Jisung zoned out, Felix snuck a glance at him andwas surprised by what he saw. Jisung looked so sad. And exhausted. He didn’t look so much like the overly excited kid he pretended to be. He looked so much older.

It was another one of his manipulations. Felix knew it. Jisung was pretending to zone out by making it look like he was worse off than Felix thought. It was part of the victim act, to get Felix to feel bad for him.

The worst part was that it almost worked.

The movie was great. Jisung seemed to enjoy it. Felix did too, somewhat. He wanted to try to hold Jisung’s hand or do the cheesy stretch and put his arm around him, but he figured it was too early in his plan to do that just yet. He had to wait until they had gone on a couple of dates first.

Afterwards, Jisung seemed much happier. He wouldn’t stop babbling about the movie—about the special effects, the acting, the _story_ , the music—even if it wasn’t even good, he treated it all the same.

It was amusing watching him.

Felix suggested they go get food afterwards, since it was almost eleven o’clock at night, and he was hungry. They ended up at a ramen place, with Jisung slurping down his noodles while _still_ trying to rant about the movie.

At one point, Felix laughed and said, “You must love movies, huh?”

“How’d you know?” Jisung grinned.

“What’s your favorite movie?”

“Oh, no, don’t do that to me.” Jisung groaned. “How could I possibly choose?”

“Just pick the movie you would rewatch over and over again.”

Jisung groaned again as he thought. “I don’t know…maybe a superhero movie? Maybe the Avengers, or Iron Man? But I’ve always liked Inception—” he groaned a third time. “I don’t know. What’s yours?”

“Ah, man, I have a lot.” Felix thought for a moment. “I like Christopher Nolan’s stuff, like Interstellar or Inception, but I also like really clever movies that make you think, but I also like rom coms, but then I can always go for a good Disney movie or a Marvel movie.” He grinned. “Chan and I’s go-to movie was always Coco, since it was cute and funny and heartfelt all at the same time, not to mention how _beautiful_ it was.”

Jisung frowned. “Chan?”

Felix’s smile vanished. “Oh, um. My…my ex. We used to live together, but…he’s not around anymore.”

Jisung was giving him a weird look, like the name _Chan_ had reminded him of something. Felix’s heart pounded in his chest, while he was mentally cursing himself out. How could he be so _stupid_? He could have just ruined the entire plan! Jisung would be gone by morning after figuring out Felix’s connection to Chan and then Chan’s connection to Hyunjin and then Seungmin.

Oh, god, Seungmin was going to be so disappointed in him…

“How long were you together?” Jisung asked eventually, picking at his noodles.

“Just two years,” Felix said. “Feels like longer, though.”

“Did you just break up?”

“Yeah. Like a month ago.”

“Oh, jeez.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence fell. Felix wasn’t sure how to salvage their conversation. He was too distracted by how royally he had just fucked up.

“Well.” Jisung cleared his throat and put on a smile. “This was fun.”

“Yeah.” Felix gave him a shy smile, hoping Jisung wasn’t onto him. “What should we do next?”

“Oh, um.” Jisung scratched at the back of his neck. “I’m kinda tired, so I was gonna head home—”

“Oh, no, not right now. I meant, like, tomorrow.”

“Oh. Right. Um…I don’t know. I picked this time. What do you want to go do?”

Felix thought for a moment, then said, “I heard the aquarium in town is incredible. And I heard that they’re selling discounted tickets after nine on weekdays.”

“That sounds fun,” Jisung said, perking up a little. “How late are they open?”

Felix shrugged. “Like midnight, I think. Three hours should be plenty of time to see the whole place. We could even meet for dinner beforehand?” He grinned. “Maybe sushi?”

Jisung gasped at him. “That’s so cruel!”

“I know, I know, I just wanted to see your reaction.”

“Dinner sounds good, though. You get to pick again.”

“Great! See you tomorrow at six, then?”

Jisung smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”

Felix smiled back, hoping Jisung would still be around by then.

*

Thankfully, Hyunjin did not show up that night to remind Jisung how pathetic and worthless he was. Instead, Jisung got a pretty decent night’s sleep. He even slept in until noon the next day.

He spent the day just doing menial tasks and watching some anime, before finally digging through his closet to see what outfit to wear to his little outing with Felix that night. He didn’t have many clothes, since he had only brought like three outfits for the road trip and hadn’t bought any new ones since moving here. Plus, he hadn’t done laundry in awhile, so his only options were really between a dinosaur t-shirt he had found in a gift shop and a white t-shirt with what looked like spaghetti sauce splattered on it.

He decided neither would work and instead picked up his black hoodie and sprayed it with cologne, hoping it wouldn’t smell too bad. Then he slipped on a black beanie and some black jeans with some black combat boots and called it good.

Felix smiled at him when he approached the coffee shop that night at six. Jisung loved it when Felix smiled at him. His whole face lit up, and his eyes sparkled, and his skin seemed to glow. It was like he was smiling at him like nothing else in the world mattered. No, even simpler than that—he was smiling at Jisung like _he_ mattered. Even if he wasn’t the only thing that mattered, he still _mattered_.

No one had smiled at Jisung like that in a long time.

“Hi Jisung— _whoa_.” Felix sniffed and made a face. “That…is some strong cologne.”

Jisung turned pink. “Too much?”

“Just a little. Did you bathe in it? Oh, man, my nose is running now.” Felix sniffed and wiped at his nose. “Okay, I don’t want to be _that guy_ but you’re going to give me a migraine before we even get to the aquarium, which is full of dark, tight spaces.”

“Sorry,” Jisung said. “I’ll go change.”

“I’ll, um, wait here.” Felix smiled stiffly.

Jisung practically ran back to his apartment and quickly grabbed the dinosaur shirt. He pulled it on while he was running out the door.

He knew he was bright red with embarrassment when he walked back to Felix.

“Aww, cute,” Felix said. “Is that a t-rex?”

“Yes,” Jisung said. “It was either this or a stained white shirt. I haven’t done laundry in weeks.”

“Oh, man. That explains the cologne.” But Felix was grinning at him. “Come on, I have a great place in mind for dinner. I have been craving some good garlic bread, so we’re getting Italian food.”

Jisung smiled and let himself get lost in Felix’s company.

Dinner was great. The aquarium was even better. There were so many different fish…Jisung had had no idea. He was as in awe of the stingrays as he was in the little sea plants—like the anemones.

His favorite, though, was the shark tank. It was _huge_ , full of a handful of sharks that occasionally came so close to the glass that Jisung pressed his hand up against it and imagined he was touching it. Sharks were so cool. He thought they were way better than dolphins. This aquarium didn’t even have dolphins—apparently the other aquarium across town did—but he knew if they did, he would still want to see the sharks more.

He didn’t even realize Felix was watching him more than he was watching the sharks until he looked to see Felix’s expression and found Felix staring right back at him.

Jisung went bright red immediately, but in the dim, blue lighting of the aquarium, he doubted Felix could see it.

“Cool, right?” Jisung asked.

“Beautiful,” Felix said, still looking Jisung right in the eye. His gaze was somehow intense and soft at the same time. Jisung thought he could get lost in Felix’s eyes if he stared long enough.

Felix was drifting forward, slowly. His eyes darted down to Jisung’s lips for a moment before moving back up to Jisung’s, where they silently asked a question. Jisung wasn’t sure what his answer was, so he just stood there, his heart pounding, his entire body tense. Why was he so tense? Why was his heart pounding so much? Why did he have such a sick feeling in his stomach? Why—

Felix was so close now. He glanced up at Jisung one last time before leaning in.

“No—” Jisung jerked backwards, the sick feeling turning into nausea that rose up into his mouth. He could taste the bile. Italian food really had been a bad idea.

Felix looked confused. “Why not?”

“I just—” Jisung was struggling to breathe. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes for a few moments.

Bad idea. He saw Hyunjin, smiling cruelly at him. His eyes flew open as he quickly looked at the sharks again. Sharks, sharks, sharks. Just focus on the sharks.

“I can’t,” Jisung told Felix, his voice strangled. “I just can’t.”

In, out. In, out. Jisung tried to even out his breathing, to calm his pounding heart that at this rate would burst out of his chest if he didn’t get it under control.

It was too dark in here. The air was too stale. Jisung felt claustrophobic. He needed fresh air.

“I need air,” he said.

Felix nodded and gestured for Jisung to follow him. They went out in a more open area, where the stingray pools were. Jisung dipped his hand in the water and focused on the slimy but smooth feeling of their backs. Then he thought about how many other people touched them, and how they might not want people to touch them, and how they had no say over how many people stuck their grubby hands into the pools and dragged their hands all over them all day, and—

“Jisung.” Felix’s voice was so soothing. So deep. Like that shark tank. “Try to breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” Jisung choked out. “I’m so sorry—”

“It’s okay, it was my fault,” Felix said. “I overstepped.”

“No, you didn’t. It was me. It was all me.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jisung.”

Jisung just squeezed his eyes shut again and focused on not puking on the stingrays.

They cut the rest of their visit short. Luckily, they had gotten through all of the major attractions anyways. The only thing left was more sea vegetation and some tropical fish.

Jisung didn’t feel better the entire way home. They took a bus instead of walking, and Jisung leaned so far away from Felix that it was like he was on the opposite side of the bus. Felix didn’t remark on it—he was strangely calm about it.

Jisung couldn’t help wondering if he was secretly seething inside, if he was thinking of a way to get back at Jisung, to find some way to hurt him and make him regret rejecting him—

Oh, god. Jisung just ruined their friendship.

He knew this would happen. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold onto many friends, or any at all. He knew that people would eventually get to know him and realize how boring and clingy and fucked-up he was. They’d run away from him. Cut all ties with him. Pretend like they never knew him in the first place, then breathe a sigh of relief and think they dodged a bullet.

They’d all abandon him, just like everyone else. Felix wasn’t the first, but it still hurt all the same.

By the time Jisung reached his apartment, his eyes were burning, and he was barely swallowing the bile that rose to the back of his throat.

Felix asked him one last time if he was okay, and Jisung managed to blurt out one last apology before darting inside and slamming the door behind him. Then he ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet.

Once he was done emptying his guts, he burst into tears again.

He was so pathetic. So weak. Hyunjin was right.

“Oh?” Jisung stiffened when he heard that familiar voice. “Say that again? I was right?”

Jisung just choked back a sob and didn’t respond.

He felt a hand in his hair. He stiffened, since there was no way to get away from him.

“You’ve scared him off,” Hyunjin murmured as he smoothed back Jisung’s hair. “But we knew that was inevitable. Everyone will be terrified by you. Disgusted by you. They’ll hate you. They’ll abandon you.”

Jisung didn’t have the energy to fight him off. He just lowered his head, knowing everything Hyunjin said was true.

“But I’m not like them,” Hyunjin whispered. “I’ll never leave you. You’ll never truly be alone, Jisungie.”

That was what Jisung was afraid of.

*

Felix was cursing himself out.

Why, why, _why_ did he think that would be a good idea? Admittedly, the moment seemed like a good one, and what better place to kiss than in the blue glow of a shark tank in the aquarium?

Chan would have kissed him back. But Jisung wasn’t Chan.

Maybe that’s why Felix kept messing up. He kept thinking that Jisung was Chan, when he wasn’t. Jisung didn’t understand him or know him like Chan did. With Jisung, he couldn’t just laugh off mistakes, knowing that Chan would forgive him much easier than he’d ever forgive himself. Jisung was sensitive and secretive and so goddamn manipulative.

Maybe that entire anxiety attack had been an act. If it was, then Jisung was one hell of an actor. The fear that had flashed in his eyes seemed genuine. Felix almost fell for it.

After dropping Jisung off at his apartment, Felix went downstairs to his apartment and groaned before falling face first onto his bed. He was so screwed. He’d be lucky if Jisung still wanted to hang out after this. How was Felix supposed to get close to him now that he’d scared him off?

His phone buzzed then, and he quickly pulled it out, hoping it was Jisung.

Seungmin.

Felix’s heart sank in disappointment, though he didn’t know why. He liked Seungmin. And he _was_ his husband, after all.

Felix rolled over onto his back as he answered the call.

“I got your text,” Seungmin said in lieu of hello. “Sounds like things are going according to plan. Told you he was desperate. You’ll probably be out of there in like two days at the _most_.”

“Yeah, about that…” Felix said.

Seungmin went silent. Then, “Yes?”

There was something in his tone that made Felix rethink a little bit. He didn’t want to outright lie, but he didn’t want to tell the full truth, either. He didn’t want Seungmin thinking that he fucked everything up already. He didn’t want Seungmin to get _mad_ at him.

“I think I’m going to need at least another week,” Felix said instead. “Just to _really_ get him, you know?”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Seungmin said.

“I think it is,” Felix said. “He’s…jumpy? Like, every time I try to get a little bit closer, he freaks out. I need to get him to trust me a little bit more, otherwise I won’t be able to get him where we want him.”

Seungmin was silent again, thinking.

Felix squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about how Jisung was probably having a panic attack in his bathroom by himself right now. All because Felix couldn’t read the room.

 _Focus, Felix._ Jisung wasn’t a normal person. He was just manipulating Felix into feeling bad for him. He was probably lounging on his bed in his underwear and watching anime, completely unbothered by what had happened earlier.

“Alright,” Seungmin said eventually. “I trust your judgment. I’m moving back into the dorms at school in two weeks, though, so we only have until then to wrap this up.”

“I don’t think I’ll need that long,” Felix said, picking at a loose thread on his comforter.

“Good.”

“So…how are you?”

“I have some studying I need to go do. Glad we could touch bases. Keep sending those text reports.”

“Oh, okay.” Felix’s heart sank. “Bye. Have fun studying.”

“Thanks.” Seungmin hung up.

Felix let his arm flop back to the bed as he stared up at the ceiling. Once again, he couldn’t help wondering what Jisung was up to.

He thought about Jisung until he fell asleep that night.

*

Jisung’s phone buzzed the following morning. He barely lifted his hand to check who it was from before he let his hand drop onto the bed once again without even bothering to reply.

It was one of those days. He hadn’t had one of these days in a long time. He had hoped that they were gone for good, but suddenly it was back worse than ever.

He didn’t feel like getting up. Even getting up and going to the bathroom took too much energy. He just laid in bed, wrapped up in as many blankets as he could tolerate, sometimes hugging a pillow, but usually just staring into space.

Every now and then the pain surged up and choked him, and suddenly he was burying his face in the pillow and trying to smother the sounds. He didn’t know why he bothered. There was no one around. But he had always been like that, always trying to smother the smallest whimper.

Part of it was Hyunjin’s fault. Jisung kept hearing his words over and over again in his head.

Last night, after smoothing Jisung’s hair back and tugging him away from the toilet, Hyunjin had said, “You know out of some chance that he _does_ come back, he’ll just get bored of you sooner or later. He’ll find some much cooler friends to hang out with, people who are actually sane and don’t talk to their dead lovers or have mental breakdowns at the slightest bit of difficulty. Did you know that he always wanted to go clubbing? Yeah, he was going to ask you to go clubbing next, but after you had your little psychotic meltdown in the aquarium, he doesn’t even want to be seen in public with you.”

Jisung had just swallowed and hugged his knees to his chest tighter.

“He’s such a social butterfly,” Hyunjin continued. “Always talking to everyone at work. Always flirting with the customers—oh, you thought that he only did that with you?” He snorted. “You couldn’t be more wrong. You’re not that special to him. You were just desperate enough to take him up on his offer. You do realize that you’re like a stepping stone, right? Just a transition between one point to the other. As soon as he finds better friends—which he will, of course—he’ll drop you without so much as an afterthought.”

When Jisung still didn’t respond, Hyunjin snorted again and said, “Honestly, Jisung, you’re the definition of an afterthought. No one thinks about you. No one cares about you. If anything, people are relieved when you’re out of their lives. You’re not special, at all.”

Then, of course, he added, “But you are to me.”

He didn’t stop talking that entire night. Even when Jisung was curled up into a tight little ball in his bed, his hands clasped over his ears, he could still hear Hyunjin whispering in his ear, always staying the same volume no matter what. He told Jisung all the things Jisung didn’t want to admit and slowly chipped away at his confidence and will until there was nothing left.

Jisung woke up the next morning feeling sicker and emptier than he had in a long, long time. He felt like he was back in the mental institution. At least there, they had pumped him so full of drugs that he couldn’t feel anything at all. He wanted that feeling now. He was already spiraling, so might as well spiral into sweet nothingness where no one would care if he was gone for good.

His phone buzzed again and kept buzzing. Someone was calling. Probably just a solicitor. Jisung didn’t bother checking the screen.

He didn’t know why he even bothered trying anymore. It was always the same, in the end. People like him were never supposed to win. They were supposed to stay knocked down in the dirt where they belonged.

By the time he finally pushed himself up into a sitting position, it was sunset. He checked his phone. Ten missed calls, all from Felix. Fifteen text messages, also from Felix. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Felix actually cared.

Maybe Felix did. But he only cared because he needed that stepping stone friend to get him to the much better friends, and without Jisung as his stepping stone, he’d have to go find another and waste precious time in the getting-to-know-you stage. Precious time that could be spent with the better friends.

Jisung tossed his phone onto his bed and slumped back down into his little cocoon.

Even if Felix didn’t care, it still hurt.

Around six, there was a knock on his door. Jisung didn’t plan on answering it, that is, until he heard a soft, familiar voice ask, “Jisung?”

When Jisung didn’t respond, Felix added, “I know you’re in there. I wanted to know if you were okay.”

“It’s all an act,” Hyunjin said, suddenly laying beside Jisung on the bed, his head propped up on an elbow. “He pretends like he really misses you, but really he just needs you to help him get into the cooler friend groups. His words and actions mean nothing.”

Jisung knew that, but it was even worse hearing it out loud.

Felix knocked again. “I brought you cheesecake.”

That made Jisung perk up, just slightly.

“And an Americano. Figured you might want the caffeine, since you didn’t show up at the coffee shop today…”

Jisung didn’t answer, but he did strain his ears for any kind of sounds on the other side of the door. Maybe Felix would give up and leave for good if Jisung didn’t respond. Would Jisung be disappointed or relieved? After all, he knew it would happen, but what if he could change the outcome?

“Such naive, wishful thinking,” Hyunjin said. “You already know what the outcome is, Jisungie. If you forgive him now and let him come running back to you, it’ll just hurt more in the long run. And he will abandon you in the long run. That’s practically a given.”

Jisung’s phone started buzzing. Felix was calling him. It was clear then that Felix was not going away until Jisung at least acknowledged him in some way.

He finally sighed and dragged himself out of bed. He went to the door where he looked though the peephole. Felix was muttering to himself and sighing before dialing Jisung’s number again. He glanced up at the peephole as he did so. It did appear that he had a cheesecake in his hand and an Americano tucked into his arm. There was even a grocery bag hanging from his wrist, full of—were those raspberries?

Jisung sighed and tried not to give into the bribes, but he hadn’t eaten all day, and cheesecake was his weakness. It was probably the one favorite thing of his that Hyunjin hadn’t ruined.

So he opened the door just a crack, and Felix’s face lit up.

“Jisung!” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jisung said, though his voice came out gravelly and hoarse. He quickly cleared it as he stuck his hand through the crack. “I’ll take that.”

“Nope.” Felix held the cheesecake out of reach. “Me and the cheesecake are a package deal. No me, no cheesecake. Simple as that.”

He gave a little smile to show that he was teasing, but Jisung sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to Felix right now. Felix would probably take one look at him like this and run. Screw wasted time, he could find another stepping stone friend if it meant he didn’t have to deal with the nutcase in front of him.

“I don’t…really want to talk right now,” Jisung said. _Or ever_.

“Are you sure?” Felix’s eyebrows knitted in concern. “You sound sick. Let me take care of you.”

“I’m fine,” Jisung said. “Thanks for checking up on me. You didn’t need to do that. You can go, now. I know you’ve got better things to do.”

He tried to close the door, but Felix stopped him. Why did he look so concerned? Oh, right, because he had to sell the act.

“Please leave me alone,” Jisung said quietly.

“I think you’re trying to push me away when you really want to be with someone right now,” Felix said. “You just don’t want me to see the not-so-pretty sides of you. The vulnerable sides. I promise, Jisung, I won’t judge you. I just want to take care of you and make sure you’re okay.”

Jisung wanted to believe him, he really did. But letting him in meant running the risk of getting hurt again. Jisung didn’t think he could handle more pain right now. Not unless he had access to some sort of drug.

“Maybe tomorrow,” he said instead, knowing that he would say the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, until finally Felix just stopped coming entirely. It was better that way. Less painful.

“Okay,” Felix said, though he looked disappointed. “I’ll give you your space. Just let me know, yeah? Don’t hesitate to call me if anything happens. I swear I’ll be here in a heartbeat, even if it’s the middle of the night.”

Jisung just hummed in response, knowing that he’d never call Felix if something happened. Then he shut the door in Felix’s face.

*

Felix came the next day, at the same time, bearing the same gifts. Jisung was somewhat better the second day. He had just laid inside and watched movies all day, though he zoned out through most of them. When he wasn’t watching them, he was sleeping and trying to ignore Hyunjin.

But even if he felt somewhat better, he still looked like shit.

“How are you feeling today?” Felix asked when Jisung cracked open the door.

Jisung shrugged.

“Mm,” Felix said. “Can I come in? I brought the same things as yesterday. Though, the Americano is fresh. Figured you wouldn’t want day-old coffee. Talk about _bitter._ ” He smiled.

Jisung thought for a moment. Did he want to let Felix in? Or should he just tell him to come back tomorrow, or never?

That cheesecake looked really good, though…

Maybe Felix didn’t have to stay for long. Jisung could kick him out the moment he finished the cheesecake.

“Alright,” he said, opening the door a bit.

Felix’s face lit up again as he walked in. Jisung lowered his head and didn’t look at Felix as he shut the door behind him. He didn’t want to see Felix’s disgusted reaction to the shithole that had become of his apartment.

Felix didn’t say anything about the mess. He just held up the cheesecake and asked, “Where are your forks?”

Jisung got two forks, and they ate standing at the island in the kitchen. Jisung only focused on the cheesecake and tried not to inhale the entire thing. If he could eat cheesecake for the rest of his life, he might actually have a shot at happiness. He’d die in like a year, but that was a small price to pay.

“So,” Felix said, finally breaking the silence. “I’m, uh, sorry about what happened at the aquarium. That was completely my fault, and I take full responsibility. I overstepped. I’m so sorry that I made you uncomfortable, Jisung.”

Jisung wanted to shrug it off, but that was a better apology than he had heard in his life, so he couldn’t help it and looked up.

“I really hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship,” Felix said. “You’re really my only friend here, Jisung. I…I don’t really know what I’d do without you.”

“For now,” Jisung said.

Felix frowned. “What?”

“I’m your only friend here _for now_. It’s only a matter of time before you’ll make more friends—much cooler friends—and you won’t need me anymore.” Jisung picked at the cheesecake with his fork. “That’s okay. I know I’m just a stepping stone.”

“What?” Felix sounded…shocked? Annoyed? “What—why would you think that? I’m not going to abandon you the moment I get another friend. Who does that?”

Jisung shrugged.

“Wait, hold on.” Felix’s voice became gentler. “Is that why you’re trying to push me away? Because you think I’m going to ditch you at some point?”

“I don’t think,” Jisung said. “I _know_.”

“Oh, Jisung.” Felix’s face was full of sympathy. “Can I give you a hug? I think you really need a hug right now.”

 _No_ , Jisung wanted to say, when what actually came out was a weak, “A hug?”

Felix smiled and wrapped him into a hug.

Jisung swore he stopped breathing. When was the last time he was hugged? Probably months ago. He forgot how warm they felt, how soothing they were, how he wished they’d never end—

He hugged back Felix just as fiercely, praying that this wouldn’t be the last hug he ever received from him.

They could have stayed like that for hours, but then Felix sniffed and said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you showered?”

“A few days ago…” Jisung mumbled.

“Ah. Wouldn’t you feel better after a nice, long shower?”

Jisung shrugged again.

Felix withdrew but took Jisung’s hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze as he said, “Come on.”

Jisung let him pull him along to the bathroom.

*

“I can’t do this.”

Felix looked up from their meal of Chinese takeout. Jisung stared down at his lo mein noodles to avoid looking at him.

“Can’t do what?” Felix asked.

“This.” Jisung gestured in between the two of them. “I can’t be more than this, Felix. I’m not ready for it.”

“Oh. You mean like…boyfriends?”

Jisung nodded. “Can we just be friends? Please?”

“Of course,” Felix said without missing a beat.

“You won’t be mad?”

“Of course not, Jisung.” Felix smiled at him. “We can be friends. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a good idea if I go rushing into another relationship either. But I could use a friend.”

“Me too,” Jisung said quietly. “I haven’t really had a friend in a long time.”

“Me either,” Felix murmured. “Me either.”

*

After that, the two of them continued their routine of hanging out every night after Felix’s shift at the coffee shop. They never spoke about what happened at the aquarium or Jisung’s fears of abandonment, but they didn’t completely ignore it either. Felix made sure to ask Jisung every time he wanted to touch him—whether to give him a hug or hold his hand or cuddle—and sometimes Jisung appreciated it, and sometimes it annoyed him. Did Felix really think Jisung was that sensitive and fragile? He knew that was just immature thinking and tried not to let those thoughts run rampant that often.

Of course, Hyunjin still appeared whenever Jisung was alone, ready to completely destroy his good mood after hanging out with Felix. Jisung tried to resist him—he really did—but some days were worse than others. Whenever those days happened, Felix seemed to understand. He sent Jisung a text just to let him know that he was thinking about him but otherwise gave Jisung his space.

Felix really was a good friend. Jisung didn’t deserve him. He felt awful about all of his issues and how Felix had to deal with them just by being friends with him. Felix didn’t need to deal with all of that. If anything, Felix needed a good, sane friend who didn’t drag him down with all his negative, insecure attitudes.

Or maybe Jisung just really needed to go to therapy and turn himself into the friend Felix deserved.

He mentioned it to Felix, once, when they were sitting on the beach, watching the sunset.

“Therapy is good,” Felix said. “If you think it will help you, then I say go for it.”

“I guess I’m just sick of feeling like this,” Jisung said. _And I’m sick of Hyunjin always being around, too_. How the hell would he be able to tell his therapist that without sounding absolutely _insane_ , though?

“I think that’s the first step towards healing,” Felix said with a smile.

“Yeah.” Jisung sighed. “I’ll admit though, I’m really nervous about it.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never really had good experiences with ‘mental health’ experts. They usually just give me a shitload of drugs to dumb me down and call it good.”

Felix frowned.

“But, this time, if they give me meds, I can refuse them.” Jisung smiled.

“You…couldn’t refuse them before?”

“Oh, um…no.” Jisung glanced at him and sighed. “I, um…I was in a mental institution for awhile. You don’t really have a choice when they give you your meds. You either take them willingly, or they force them down your throat.”

Felix’s eyes had gone wide.

Jisung picked up a handful of sand and let it slip through his fingers. “A pretty dark part of my past.”

Felix was silent for a few moments, and when Jisung glanced up at him, he looked like he was thinking.

Finally, he said, “If you don’t mind me asking…how did you get there in the first place?”

Jisung paused, trying to figure out how much of the truth he could tell Felix without scaring Felix off.

“My parents sent me there,” he said. That was part of the truth, wasn’t it?

“But…why?”

“They wanted me out of the way, I guess.” Jisung’s heart broke a little knowing that that was the truth as well.

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispered.

“It’s not your fault.” Jisung shrugged and picked up another handful of sand. “I survived. Sorta.”

The two of them fell silent after that. Jisung was oddly content as he watched the sunset, the sky full of pinks and oranges and the faintest trace of purple. It was peaceful here. And he was glad he was with Felix.

A few days later, Felix just wanted to stay inside and begged Jisung for a movie night. Jisung gave in, and then the two of them were burrowed in his bed under a heap of blankets, the laptop on the bed in front of them. Felix was hugging one of Jisung’s pillows as he watched. Jisung was in the middle of stuffing his face with popcorn, feeling way better than he had in awhile. It was nice, finally getting past that awkward getting-to-know-you stage and just being himself in front of Felix. Felix seemed to be more relaxed around him now, too. Jisung almost dared to hope that things were going to turn out okay.

Soon, though, they were both drifting off, and Jisung said, “You can stay, if you want. Sleepover!”

“Good, because I’m not getting out of this bed anytime soon,” Felix replied, his voice muffled from the pillow. “You’d have to drag me out.”

“Eh, that’s too much work, I’d just go downstairs and sleep in your bed instead.” Jisung grinned as he snuggled into his own pillow. He yawned. “Goodnight, Felix.”

“Night, Jisung.”

Then both of them drifted off to sleep.

It felt like Jisung had barely closed his eyes when he felt a familiar weight on his chest and a hand around his throat. He opened his eyes to find Hyunjin staring down at him, looking angrier than he had in awhile.

For once, though, Jisung wasn’t even that scared. Just annoyed. It was Hyunjin’s fault that Jisung was so fucked up, that he was constantly in fear of Felix leaving him. He was sick of Hyunjin. He wished he would just stay dead.

“Fuck off,” Jisung hissed.

“Maybe I will,” Hyunjin snarled. He brought his other hand to Jisung’s throat. “But I’m taking you with me.”

Then he squeezed as hard as he could, and Jisung’s survival instincts kicked in. He fought back, desperately trying to wriggle out of Hyunjin’s grasp, but he knew it was no use.

Panic flared up in him. Was this really just a dream? Or was it real? Could he still see Felix laying beside him? Was Hyunjin really going to kill him right now?

Tears sprang into his eyes. _No_. He didn’t want to die. Not now. Not yet. He had so many plans, now, all of which involved Felix—

“Jisung!”

Someone was shaking his shoulder.

“Jisung, wake up!”

Jisung fought against Hyunjin one last time and woke up gasping for breath. Felix was sitting up and staring down at him, his eyes wide with concern and a little bit of fear as Jisung struggled to breathe.

“Breathe,” Felix said, reaching out and rubbing Jisung’s back. “Breathe. It’s okay. It was just a dream.”

Didn’t feel like just a dream. It felt real.

Jisung reached up and rubbed at his throat. At that moment, Felix gasped. He reached out and gently pulled Jisung’s hand away from his throat.

“Oh my god,” Felix said. “Jisung, your _neck—_ ”

“What?” Jisung asked. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s bruised.”

“ _What?_ ”

Jisung scrambled out of bed, nearly face-planting when his foot got caught in the bedding. He stumbled into the bathroom and flicked on the light. After wincing from the pain of such sudden a bright light, he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

There was a darkening band wrapped around his throat, darker than he had ever seen it.

Jisung stared at it as he reached up to touch his throat. He winced at the pain.

This was still a dream, right? Hyunjin hadn’t found a way to actually still hurt him, had he?

Felix appeared in the doorway. He looked just as terrified as Jisung felt.

“How—” Felix swallowed. “You—you didn’t have those before we went to sleep.”

“No, I didn’t.” Jisung ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Please tell me this is still a dream.”

Felix slowly shook his head.

Jisung groaned and covered his face with his hands. Maybe if he wished hard enough, he’d wake up. He’d wake up and still be in bed with Felix, and he’d smile at Felix’s stupid sleepy face, all nestled into a heap of blankets and pillows, and he’d snuggle closer to him and sigh contently before falling back into a peaceful sleep and—

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from it so violently that he almost slipped on the slick bathroom floor.

“Sorry!” Felix said, quickly holding up his hands in a surrender. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Jisung said. “I’m just…I think I’m going to be sick again.”

Felix nodded, and Jisung lunged for the toilet. He barely got the lid up before he puked. The movement made his sore throat throb even more, and he groaned again as he sat on the floor next to the toilet.

Felix slowly sat down on the bathroom floor, keeping distance between them. He looked so worried. For once, he didn’t look scared out of his mind of Jisung, even though this was the best evidence he had so far that Jisung was fucking crazy.

“Did you…choke yourself in your sleep…?” Felix asked.

Jisung shook his head as he rubbed his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

“Then…how did…”

“I don’t know.” Jisung swallowed back the wave of tears.

Felix was silent for a few moments before he said, “You were talking and thrashing in your sleep.”

“I was?”

Felix nodded. “It sounded like you were struggling against someone.”

Jisung stared down at the floor. “I was.”

“Hyunjin?” When Jisung glanced up at him, Felix quickly added, “It’s just—you said his name. A lot. You sounded…scared.”

“Yeah, he…he was my ex-boyfriend. He’s dead now. Someone shot him.”

“Oh.” Felix blinked. “But you still have nightmares about him? About him hurting you…?”

“Yeah.” Jisung sighed. He wrapped his arms around his knees and hugged them to his chest. “He was…really abusive. He threw me down the stairs, once. And he liked to choke me if I ever did something that he didn’t like.”

Felix eyes had gone wide.

“I know I’m going to sound insane, but…” Jisung took a deep breath as he tried to force the words out, “But even though he’s dead, he’s still _around_. He shows up all the time. And just like when he was alive, he’s sometimes nice and sometimes he’s not. He hasn’t been nice ever since I met you, though. He hates you because you’re getting in between us and he takes it out on me. Tonight he was so angry and it didn’t feel like a dream anymore. It felt _real_.” He gestured to his throat. “And then this happens.”

Felix’s face was paler than Jisung had ever seen it. He didn’t speak—he just stared at Jisung with those wide eyes of his, and Jisung couldn’t help fidgeting and panicking.

“I know, I know, I sound insane,” Jisung said. “At this point I probably _am_ insane. I mean, what sane person still sees their dead, abusive boyfriend? Or has panic attacks as much as I do? And I was even sent to a mental institution for months and I can’t even remember how long it was, so that’s even more proof that I’m fucking insane, right?”

“Have you ever hurt anyone?” Felix asked, his voice strangely detached.

Jisung blinked at him. “What?”

Felix continued to just stare at him, his gaze now unreadable. “I’m starting to think that you’re not the perpetrator.”

Jisung stared back at him, completely lost, but then Felix seemed to shake his head to snap himself out of it.

“Do you think he’ll come back?” Felix asked.

“Maybe,” Jisung said. “Not tonight, though. He usually only comes once in a night. But I don’t want to go to sleep anyways.”

“I’ll stay up with you,” Felix said.

“Thank you.”

They ended up moving back to the bed, where Felix tidied up the bedding before making a nest of sorts out of the extra pillows. He hugged Jisung to his side after setting the laptop on the bed and pulling up a movie. Jisung, for once, was grateful Felix had just hugged him without asking. He needed someone who cared for him right now.

Even though they tried to stay awake, the two of them eventually dozed off, and Felix kept his arms wrapped around Jisung the entire night.

*

Felix jolted awake the next morning when he heard his phone ring. He quickly grabbed at it to silence it so it wouldn’t wake Jisung, then squinted at the caller ID.

Seungmin.

Felix glanced down at Jisung, who was still pressed up against Felix’s side, his brow slightly furrowed in his sleep, the bruises still visible around his throat. Felix didn’t want to wake him up just yet. So he declined Seungmin’s call and sent him a text instead.

_Can’t talk right now. What’s up?_

Seungmin was somewhat of a slow texter, so it was a minute before he responded: _How’s it going with Jisung?_

 _Good,_ Felix texted back.

_Good. I have a plan. Get him to come to this address tomorrow night at seven. Say it’s a party. After that you’re off the hook._

Felix hesitated. He glanced down at Jisung again. A few days ago, he would have agreed to this without hesitation. But now…he kept seeing Jisung’s terrified expression from last night. He was starting to seriously doubt if Jisung was who Seungmin believed he was. His part of the story just didn’t quite line up with the version Seungmin had told.

He texted Seungmin back, _I need more time._

 _Like hell you do,_ Seungmin responded. _Two weeks are up, Lix. We have to finish this now or we’ll never get another chance._

 _I don’t think he’s the person you think he is,_ Felix said.

The moment he sent that, he regretted it.

Seungmin tried to call him again, and when Felix declined the call, he sent a series of messages.

_What the hell does that mean?_

_What did he tell you?_

_You know you can’t fall for anything he says, he’s psychotic!_

_He’s just manipulating you._

Felix took a deep breath and waited for Seungmin’s message to stop coming in before responding.

_We need to rethink our plan a bit, that’s all I’m saying._

_Bullshit_ , Seungmin texted back. _Get him to come tomorrow or else._

 _Or else what?_ Felix challenged.

_Or else I’m divorcing you and you have to find some other way to stay in the country._

For some reason, that didn’t scare Felix as much as it should have.

No, what scared him was the sudden appearance of dark purple bruises on Jisung’s neck in the middle of the night. _That_ scared him. And clearly it scared Jisung, too.

But still…Felix didn’t know what other cards Seungmin had up his sleeve. Seungmin had connections. He had a mind for political schemes as well as the medical track he was on. He was goddamn smart and wealthy. If Felix didn’t do what he asked, then he was sure that Seungmin would find additional blackmail material.

And maybe…maybe Jisung was still manipulating him? Maybe he was so psychotic that he went extreme lengths in order to appear as harmless and as pitiful as possible, including strangling himself hard enough to bruise in the middle of the night while Felix was lying next to him.

Felix supposed it came down to this—who did he trust more? Seungmin, his _husband_ and savior and strategist? Or Jisung, the mentally unstable kid he just met, who acted like a friend Felix sorely needed?

Felix didn’t know.

Jisung stirred at that point. Felix set down his phone and looked down at him as Jisung opened his eyes and blinked up at him groggily.

“Morning,” Jisung said.

“Morning,” Felix said. “How do you feel?”

Jisung shrugged. He yawned before saying, “Tired. And sore.”

“Go back to sleep,” Felix said. “You don’t have anything to do today.”

“Mm, I don’t…” Jisung was already snuggling back into the pillow and Felix’s side. “Are you going to stay?”

Felix hesitated. He wasn’t even sure if Jisung was still awake when he finally said, “Yes. I’ll stay.”

*

“So, one of my childhood friends is having a party tonight. They’re super rich and have like a waterpark in their backyard and a full arcade and open bar and shit. I think it’d be kinda fun to check out. What do you think?”

“A party? Not really my scene…especially not rich people. I never know how to act around them.”

“We don’t have to stay for long. Just show up, make the rounds, maybe steal some free alcohol and food and then bail? Go see a movie or something afterwards?”

“Is this a status thing?”

“Why would it be a status thing?”

“I dunno…”

“I’m not looking for any ‘new friends,’ Jisung, I promise. I just thought it would be fun. We can get all dressed up and look as hot as humanly possible, make people jealous that they can’t have us, and then leave.”

“You mean _you_ would make people jealous.”

“Have you seen yourself? You’re hot, too.”

“You really want to go?”

“I think it would be really fine.”

Jisung sighed. “Alright.”

Felix smiled, while inside he was wondering if he was making the wrong choice.

*

“My friend asked me to come early, so there might not be other people there yet when we show up,” Felix told Jisung when they got in the Uber that night. Jisung had wanted to drive, but Felix said he didn’t want to take any chances of them driving while intoxicated. So, Uber.

“Okay.” Jisung tried not to feel so nervous. His palms were already sweating as he wiped them on his black leather pants. “Do we get a tour of the house or something?”

“If we want, sure.” Felix smiled before quickly looking back out the window.

Felix had been acting weird all day. He was more fidgety and jumpy than usual, and he never met Jisung’s gaze for long. Jisung figured it was still because of what happened the other night. He should have known that telling Felix about Hyunjin would scare him off.

He just hoped this party wasn’t as bad as all the other parties he had been to. He had never really been invited to parties—they were usually Hyunjin’s parties, and Jisung showed up only to crash it and usually left in shame. He still tried to hold his head high as he left, but he could feel the resentment in the stares burning into his back. He stopped going once he realized that he would never be able to redeem himself there.

But these people wouldn’t know him. Hopefully. He just prayed no one from his hometown was there.

The drive took about thirty minutes, to the rich suburbs of the city. Beachfront property. At least half of the party would be outside, so Jisung would be able to get plenty of fresh air, just in case.

He closed his eyes as he felt the car slow to a stop in front of a couple of gates and took a deep breath. Things would be fine. He had Felix. And if Felix ditched him for some hot, beefy guy…well, Jisung had his phone and wallet. He’d be able to call a car and get home.

Felix looked pale and sick to his stomach when they got out and approached the gates, which opened without them having to do anything. They started the walk up the cobblestone path to the mansion perched on the edge of the ocean.

Jisung let out a whistle. “Big house. Nice property.”

“Yeah,” Felix said. “It’s nice.”

Jisung glanced at him. He looked like he was either going to throw up or burst into tears. Weird. That was always Jisung’s role.

“Nervous?” Jisung asked.

“A little,” Felix said, swallowing.

“It’s okay,” Jisung said. He took Felix’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze paired with a reassuring smile. “We’ve got each other. And as long as we promise not to ditch each other, we’ll be fine.”

Felix shook his head and stopped. “I need to tell you something.”

Jisung stopped and turned to face him. “Okay…?”

Felix opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and he ended up shaking his head and looking away. Jisung waited patiently, knowing that if it was something important, it was worth waiting for.

He was not expecting Felix to suddenly grab both of his hands and say, “Run away with me.”

“What?”

“Please,” Felix said. “We can go anywhere we want, just not here. We could go to another country, like…I don’t know, Greece! Or France! Or Morocco, or…somewhere beautiful. Somewhere where we can start over and not care about our pasts catching up with us. Somewhere where we can be ourselves without worrying about what other people think.”

Jisung was frowning at him. “Where is all of this coming from, Felix?”

“I—”

A chillingly familiar voice cut him off.

“Are you not even going to ring the doorbell? Wow, I was all ready for you and everything.”

Jisung felt his blood turn to ice as he turned to look at the front doors. There, standing in the doorway, was someone he thought he’d seen the last of. But apparently Jisung was never good at running away from his past.

Seungmin smiled at them as he stepped through the doorway and down the front steps.

“Really, I’ve been ready for you for quite some time,” Seungmin said, though his eyes were on Jisung. He came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, a few yards away from them. “Hello, Jisung.”

“Seungmin.” Jisung practically spat the name out. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, didn’t Felix tell you?” Seungmin looked over his shoulder at the house. “This is my party.”

Jisung looked at Felix, who had gone white again. He looked like he was about to pass out.

“You know Seungmin?” Jisung asked.

Felix looked at him with wide, pleading eyes and started to say something, but Seungmin cut him off.

“Know him?” Seungmin said. “It’s a little bit more than that. We _are_ married, after all.”

Blood roared in Jisung’s ears as he tried to comprehend that. “You…you’re _married_?”

Felix swallowed and stared down at the ground.

“It’s only been a few months, I’ll admit,” Seungmin said. “He needed someone to keep him in the country after his visa expired and his last husband was shot in cold blood. You actually might know his last husband, Jisung—didn’t you read the news? I know you did, since you read anything that had to do with Hyunjin. Felix’s last husband was Bang Chan.”

Bang Chan. Jisung knew that name, even if he had never met the man. That name always popped up whenever the love potion was involved, which meant whenever _Hyunjin_ was involved.

Which meant—

“You…” Jisung stared at Felix. “You shot Hyunjin.”

“Without hesitation,” Seungmin said.

“He shot Chan,” Felix whispered, finally lifting his eyes to Jisung’s. “He broke into the apartment and shot him right then and there. It was self-defense.”

“You knew who Hyunjin was this whole time,” Jisung said. “You knew who I was this entire time. You lied to me.”

“I know, but if you’ll just let me explain—” Felix reached out for him, but Jisung jerked away from him. Felix’s face flashed with pain.

“Quite the actor, isn’t he?” Seungmin said. “Though, I think part of it is because you’re so gullible, Jisung. So desperate for any kind of connection. All Felix had to do was act just as desperate. And it worked, considering you practically threw yourself at him without even thinking it strange how he never talked about his past or where he came from.”

“What do you want?” Jisung demanded. “Revenge? Just ’cause we tied you up and kept you in that bathroom for a couple of days? I let you _go_.”

“Well, that is part of it.” Seungmin shrugged. “But the bigger issue…is _you_ , Jisung. You and your psychotic manipulations. You corrupted Hyunjin, you know that? You turned him into a monster.”

“He was already a monster,” Jisung spat. “Trust me, no one knows more than me. I was stuck with him for _months_.”

“Plenty of time to completely manipulate him into doing whatever you wanted,” Seungmin shot back. “You got him to do everything for you. Fall in love with you. Give up his family for you. Break you out of a mental institution after being sentenced there for kidnapping and raping him in the first place.”

“What?” Felix whispered, looking at Jisung with wide eyes.

“Got him to give you a mansion all to yourself,” Seungmin continued, taking a step towards Jisung. Jisung took a step back. “To give him all the money and gifts you wanted, and then take over a drug business so you could have all the control over the love potions _and_ make some extra cash, which you stashed away in your own bank account for you to use when things went south. Then, you got him to cover up your tracks for you and not only hold _me_ against my will but also threaten and blackmail me and drug me. And _then_ , to top it all off, you got him to kill for you, not even _caring_ when it got him killed as well.”

Seungmin stopped to spit at Jisung. Jisung flinched but stood his ground.

“You thought you were so smart, getting away with all that,” Seungmin said. “But you didn’t cover up your tracks completely. You forgot about me and Felix. And now we’re here to make sure that you get what you deserve.”

Jisung clenched his jaw. “What are you going to do? Kill me?”

“In the end,” Seungmin said. “But before that, I’m going to make you suffer just like you made Hyunjin suffer.”

Jisung glanced at Felix, who was shaking so much that he looked like he’d fall over if someone so much as blew on him. His eyes went back to Seungmin, who was farther away from Jisung than Jisung was to Felix.

He had a keychain on his house keys that he could use as a sharp point. He pulled it out now and held it in his hand.

“You’re so fucking dumb,” Jisung told Seungmin.

Then he lunged at Felix. Felix let out a scream as Jisung looped an arm around his neck and pressed the pointy end of the keychain up to his throat. Felix went rigid, and Seungmin stiffened.

“Take one step closer and I’ll jam this entire thing in his neck,” Jisung said. “Think I’ll hesitate, Seungmin? You know I won’t.”

“If you kill him, that’s just one more thing you’ll pay for,” Seungmin said with a shrug.

Jisung’s eyes narrowed. Then he started walking backwards, keeping Felix in front of him like a human shield. The path in between the house and the gates really wasn’t that long. And Jisung had always been fast. He could outrun Seungmin. The only problem was the closed gates.

They weren’t _that_ tall. Could he climb up them?

“Jisung,” Felix whispered.

“Shut up,” Jisung said, applying more pressure to the point on his throat. Felix shut up after that.

Seungmin hadn’t moved from where he was standing. He just looked amused.

“I suppose you can run away,” he said. “But just know that I’ll find you anywhere. You can’t run or hide forever.”

The gates slid open behind them. Seungmin was letting them go, because he knew that he’d catch up later.

Jisung was determined to take the chance.

So he shoved Felix away from him and turned and ran. He didn’t stop to see if Felix or Seungmin followed. He just ran away from that mansion and didn’t slow down until he was out of the neighborhood. There, he called an Uber and had it meet him a few blocks away. He ran the entire way there, cursing himself for not driving tonight.

When he finally slowed to a stop at a cluster of shops by a gas station, he was out of breath, but at least he wasn’t on the verge of tears. No, for once, he was just burning with so much rage that he almost couldn’t contain it.

If he ever saw Felix again, he was going to beat the shit out of him.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down as he checked his phone and ran a hand through his hair. His Uber was still a few minutes away. He glanced back the way he had come, just hoping that Seungmin wasn’t already following him.

He wasn’t sure where he should go. He couldn’t go back to his apartment. That would be the first place Seungmin checked. No, he needed to go somewhere else for the night. Maybe go to a hotel, then book a flight first thing tomorrow morning. He didn’t know where he’d end up. He just knew he was leaving the country immediately. Maybe he’d go to Canada and keep driving north until he came to the middle of nowhere. Or maybe he’d go to a highly populated city and disappear. He’d change his name. He’d change his appearance. He’d find something to do that the past version of him would scoff at, something Seungmin would never expect him to do.

Really, at this point, it didn’t matter if Jisung was happy. It was just about survival.

His Uber arrived. It drove him to a cheap motel on the opposite end of town. He booked a room and immediately collapsed onto the lumpy bed, not even caring that it smelled vaguely like urine.

Hopefully Seungmin would let him run a little bit before chasing after him.

As he closed his eyes, though, he felt the bed sag next to him. His eyes flew open, but it was just Hyunjin.

“This is bad,” Hyunjin said, though he was smiling. “You can’t catch a break, can you, Jisungie?”

Jisung looked at him for a few moments, letting Hyunjin reach out and trace his fingertips across his cheekbones. He remembered what Hyunjin had done to him the last time he had seen him in the middle of the night and suddenly got an idea.

“Can you appear to anyone?” Jisung asked.

Hyunjin shrugged, still smiling as he cupped the side of Jisung’s face.

“You’re not just in my head,” Jisung said. “The bruises proved that. Whatever you are, you can affect the real world, can’t you?”

“I suppose,” Hyunjin said. “Why? Want me to kill someone for you, Jisungie?”

“No,” Jisung said. “I just want you to stop someone from coming after me.”

“So just scare them shitless? I can do that. For a price, of course.”

Jisung took a deep breath. He figured Hyunjin would ask for something. It wasn’t so different from when he was alive.

“What do you want?” he asked, even though he knew the answer.

Hyunjin smiled at him. “You.”

“You already have me.”

“Oh, no, not really.” Hyunjin trailed his hand along the side of Jisung’s neck and down his chest. “I want more than this, Jisungie. You know that.”

Jisung swallowed. Hyunjin had always been the source of his problems. It was because of him that Seungmin was even after him in the first place. Because of _him_ that Felix had manipulated him and betrayed him. Because of _him_ that Jisung truly believed he’d never be happy or find peace.

But which did he want? To be tortured slowly to death by Seungmin? Or to just tolerate a bit of pain here and there from Hyunjin? Which was the lesser of two evils?

Jisung knew what to expect from Hyunjin. He didn’t know what to expect from Seungmin. So he already knew his answer.

“Deal,” he said.

Hyunjin beamed at him. “Good answer, Jisungie.”

Then he leaned forward and kissed him. The moment he did, Jisung felt a wave of exhaustion come over him.

As he slipped into a peaceful sleep, he heard Hyunjin whisper, “Don’t worry, Jisungie. He’ll never come after you again.”

*

That night, after the confrontation with Jisung, Felix couldn’t sleep. Seungmin had probably long since fallen asleep in the other room, but Felix stayed awake, staring up at the ceiling, countless thoughts running through his head. Most of them dealt with two things—Jisung, and Seungmin.

 _Jisung_. Felix had truly betrayed him. He saw the look on Jisung’s face, that look of disbelief and pain and confusion, underlain with anger. Felix had regretted his actions immediately, especially since he knew this wasn’t something he and Jisung could ever recover from. He still was going to do his best salvage their bond, though. Maybe Jisung would listen to him if Felix got to him early enough in the morning.

Then there was Seungmin. Seungmin, who had turned on Felix the moment Jisung was gone, blaming all of it on him.

“None of this would have happened if you had just stuck to the goddamn plan!” Seungmin had snapped.

“I did everything you asked me to,” Felix had shot back. “ _You’re_ the one who let him go!”

“I let him go because I knew there was no way we could grab him like that. He would have fought back. And when he fights back, it gets ugly. You were _supposed_ to bring him inside where we could have caught him off-guard, no blood-shed necessary! But _no._ You stopped to warn him and asked him to run away with you!”

Felix had taken a step back, shocked.

Seungmin snorted. “Oh, yeah, you think I didn’t hear that? I heard everything, Felix.”

“What are you going to do?” Felix asked in a low voice.

Seungmin studied him for a moment like Felix was the instructions on an exam booklet. Felix tried not to squirm. When was the last time Seungmin had ever paid him this much attention?

Eventually, Seungmin said, “To you? Nothing. Jisung, on the other hand, is probably going to run first thing in the morning. Maybe he’ll go back to his apartment. I know he’s going to go to the airport, though. And I’m going to intercept him.”

“And me?”

“You’re going to stay _here_. Give me your phone.” Seungmin held out his hand.

Reluctantly, Felix handed over his phone. Seungmin dropped it and crushed it under his foot. Felix tried not to wince.

“If I see you try to run off and help Jisung, I’ll give you the same treatment I give Jisung,” Seungmin growled. Then he turned to leave, only to pause. Felix watched him closely, waiting for Seungmin to snap.

He didn’t. Instead, he said softly without turning around, “I’m sorry. I don’t like acting like this. But you have to understandthe reason _why_.”

“Because you think I betrayed you,” Felix said.

“You _did_ betray me, Felix.” Seungmin turned back to look at him. He looked wounded. “I thought we wanted the same things. I thought you hated Jisung. What changed? What did he do to you?”

“I don’t think he’s who you think he is,” Felix said. “I’ve seen him at his lowest—there’s no way he could be faking that. He’s scared, Seungmin. He’s scared and alone and…broken. Hyunjin _did_ something to him. Jisung isn’t the perpetrator—he’s the victim. He has been all along.”

Seungmin was shaking his head. “No. _No_. God, you fell for it. You let him get into your head! I told you that’s what he would try to do, and you didn’t listen to me!”

“No, _you_ should listen to _me_ ,” Felix snapped. “I’ve been thinking about it for the last few days and something about your version of the story and Jisung’s version doesn’t line up. In case you forgot, I was _there_ when Hyunjin shot Chan. And you know what he said before he pulled the trigger? He said the potions were for Jisung this whole time. Why the hell would Jisung willingly drug himself with a love potion if he was behind the whole thing? He _wouldn’t_ , because _he_ wasn’t the perpetrator.”

“You were in shock,” Seungmin said. “Shock makes you remember things differently.”

“That’s why I haven’t thought about it until now!” Felix scoffed. “I’ve suppressed the memory of that and everything dealing with Chan because I didn’t want to think about it until now. But now…Seungmin, just _think_ about it. Really think about it without being biased. I know you were friends with Hyunjin, but maybe Hyunjin wasn’t as innocent and perfect as you thought he was.”

Seungmin glared at him. “And maybe Jisung isn’t so innocent _either_.”

“Maybe he isn’t, but you’re not even giving him a chance to tell his side of the story.”

Seungmin shook his head again and started backing away from him. “I can’t believe you,” he whispered before turning and storming away.

Felix hadn’t gone after him. He hadn’t even tried to talk about it again later that night. He just let Seungmin silently seethe in another room while he thought about what his next step would be.

He wasn’t going to try to run tonight. He wasn’t that dumb. No, he would try to run in the early morning, when Seungmin was still asleep. Hopefully he’d be able to intercept Jisung at his apartment and get back to the beach house before Seungmin woke up. Seungmin wouldn’t even know Felix was gone.

Now, Felix kept tossing and turning, trying to get a few hours of sleep before he had to be up. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get his thoughts to shut up. He finally just gave up trying and went back to staring at the ceiling.

Just past midnight, he heard screaming.

Felix sat bolt-upright, realizing after a moment that those were Seungmin’s screams. He shot out of bed, threw open the door, and ran to the master bedroom. When he tried to open the door, though, he found that it was locked. Since when had Seungmin started locking the door at night?

Seungmin was still screaming from inside. There was rustling, too, like he was struggling whoever was attacking him.

Oh, god, was Jisung attacking him? Had Jisung come back?

“Seungmin!” Felix shouted, slamming his palm on the door. He tried the handle again, then quickly ran to the bathroom, where he was sure he had seen some bobby pins at some point. He found one, then ran back to the door and tried to pick the lock.

When he finally got the door open, he burst into the room to find Seungmin lying on his side on the floor next to his bed. He had stopped screaming but was still making this horrible choking noise as he writhed on the floor.

Felix ran over to him, frantically searching for any sign of blood or injury. When he rolled Seungmin over, all he found was a dark bruise around Seungmin’s throat, like he had been strangled.

Felix shook Seungmin’s shoulder. “Seungmin, Seungmin. Come on, wake up, wake up!”

Seungmin groaned at that. When he finally opened his eyes, he let out a weak, “Felix?”

“ _Seungmin_ ,” Felix said, pulling him towards him.

Seungmin reacted instantly. With a choked sob, he sat up and threw his arms around Felix, holding on tighter than ever before.

At first, Felix didn’t know what to do, especially as Seungmin burst into tears, his entire body shaking from the sobs. Then Felix quickly wrapped his arms around Seungmin and started to rock him gently, saying, “Shh, shh, it’s okay, I’m here. I’m here.”

Seungmin was crying so hard that he couldn’t even respond, so he just buried his face in the crook of Felix’s neck, trying to get as close to Felix as possible.

“Who attacked you?” Felix asked. “Did someone break in? Are they gone? What did they do to you?”

“It—it was _him,_ ” Seungmin managed to get out.

“Jisung?”

“N-no.” Seungmin choked on a sob. “ _Hyunjin_.”

Felix went rigid. He felt his blood turn to ice. “Hyunjin was here?”

“He…he felt so _real,_ Felix,” Seungmin whimpered. “I—I was in—I was in some sort of dark house…and I couldn’t see anything…and he just—he came out of _nowhere_. And he attacked me. He grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the stairs. And then when I hit the bottom, I was on a bed, and he was on top of me. I think he was—he was covered in blood or something and he grabbed my throat again and just— _squeezed_.”

“Then you woke up?”

“I tried to fight him,” Seungmin whispered. “But it hurt—everything _hurt_. Not just my throat. But…everywhere. All over my body. And it wouldn’t _stop_.” A new wave of tears came over him. “I just wanted it to _stop_ but it never did.”

His voice grew even softer as he added, “It felt so real. I can still feel it. I can still feel _him._ ”

Suddenly Seungmin jerked back and grabbed the sides of Felix’s face, forcing Felix to look him in his wide, terrified eyes. Felix leaned away out of instinct, but Seungmin held him in place.

“He’s still out there,” Seungmin said. “He’s still out there, Felix. He’s going to come after me—he might come after _you_.” He gasped as another thought occurred to him. “You killed him. He _will_ come after you. We’re not safe, Felix, we need to _leave—_ ”

“Seungmin,” Felix said as calmly as he could. He didn’t know how to react to this. In all honesty, Seungmin was starting to freak him out. He had never seen Seungmin lose his mind like this. “Seungmin. It was just a dream. You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m here with you now.”

“It wasn’t a dream,” Seungmin said. “It wasn’t a dream.”

He slowly withdrew his hands at that point and reached up to rub at his own throat instead. He winced from the pain in the bruises. He looked so lost and terrified. Felix honestly didn’t know what to do.

His eyes fell on Seungmin’s bruises again. They were just like the ones Jisung had. Jisung had woken up screaming and fighting too, saying that Hyunjin was attacking him, that he had never really gone away after he died.

So…did Jisung send Hyunjin after Seungmin? Or did Hyunjin do this on his own?

Felix wasn’t sure which one was more terrifying.

Seungmin reached out to Felix again. His hand was shaking as he gently placed it against Felix’s cheek, as though testing to see if he was real or not. Felix stayed as still as possible, watching Seungmin’s expressions.

“Can you stay with me?” Seungmin whispered. “Please? I—I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He sounded so much like Jisung.

But Felix nodded and reached up to take Seungmin’s hand in his. “I’ll stay,” he said.

Seungmin exhaled in relief, his entire body relaxing. When Felix helped him up and tried to get him back in bed, though, he went rigid again.

“Not here,” he said, shaking his head. “Not here.”

“Okay,” Felix said. He led Seungmin back to his room, where Seungmin wasted no time wrapping his arms around Felix once they climbed into bed. Felix hugged him back. He could feel Seungmin trembling, as well as the rapid pounding of his heart.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Seungmin said.

“You don’t have to sleep,” Felix said. “I’ll stay up with you.”

“Can you talk?”

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything.” Seungmin snuggled closer to Felix. “We don’t talk much. So…tell me anything you want. I’ll listen.”

Felix wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk about. It was always Chan—or, more recently, Jisung—who always had something to say. They would talk Felix’s ear off for hours and hours. Felix never had a problem with it. He loved listening to them.

But now…what did he have to talk about?

Nothing. He had nothing.

“I…don’t have anything to talk about,” Felix murmured.

Seungmin hummed at that. “Then you don’t have to talk. We can just…stay like this.”

“Yeah,” Felix said. “We’ll just stay like this.”

And they did. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, just holding onto each other tightly.

Eventually, Seungmin dozed off. Right when the sky grew lighter, Felix wriggled out of his grasp. He had to get to Jisung’s apartment. He had to know if his hunch was right or not. If Jisung had truly sent Hyunjin after Seungmin…Felix didn’t know what he’d do.

As he moved towards the bedroom door, though, Seungmin stirred.

“Felix?” he asked, groggy. “Where are you going?”

“There’s something I have to do,” Felix said, not taking his hand off the doorknob.

Seungmin blinked and sat up. In the early morning light, his bruises looked terrible. There was no doubt now that they were the same as the ones on Jisung’s neck.

Seungmin was studying Felix, seeming to understand immediately. He looked wounded.

“You…you really never planned to stay, did you?” he asked.

Felix opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out.

Seungmin just looked disappointed. “You chose Jisung over me.”

“I…” Felix swallowed.

Seungmin reached up and rubbed at his eyes. “Just go. I won’t come after you. Or Jisung. It’s not worth it.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been obsessed over Hyunjin and Jisung for too long. That nightmare just made me realize that. You know how you have stress dreams when you think about one thing all the time? It’s a sign.” He shook his head. “This obsession is just going to cause me more pain than satisfaction. I need to rethink my priorities, get back on track at school.”

Felix frowned, but Seungmin wasn’t done.

“I’ll even let you get a divorce, if you want,” he said. “And I’ll make sure you get your green card. I won’t hold anything against you, or make you do anything you don’t want to. If you want to be with Jisung, then go.” His expression darkened. “I’ve already ruined everyone’s lives enough.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Felix said.

“It’s okay, Felix.” Seungmin gave a small, fleeting smile. “I understand.”

Felix shook his head. “No. I’m going to go confront him. Then once I have an answer, I’ll text you.”

“With what phone? I broke yours.”

“I’ll use Jisung’s.”

Seungmin looked suspicious now. “What are you going to do?”

“I…I don’t know yet. Just…be ready.”

“For what?”

Felix gave him one last smile before opening the door.

“A fight.”

*

Hyunjin was gone the following morning, but Jisung wasn’t surprised. He checked his phone, expecting to find a series of missed calls from Felix, maybe a couple of texts as well.

There was nothing. Felix hadn’t contacted him at all.

Jisung wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He didn’t give himself time to think about it. He shoved his feelings down and got up to go. He had a flight to catch.

He left the motel and took a bus back to his apartment. He knew it was risky, but he needed a few things before he caught his flight today at eleven. There was no way he was wearing these tight as fuck leather pants on a twelve-hour flight.

He didn’t know what he expected when he walked up to his door. Maybe for Seungmin to be waiting for him? For the police to be waiting for him? For the door to be hanging off its hinges, the apartment ransacked? There was none of that.

When he opened the door to the apartment, though, he found that it was not empty like he had hoped.

Felix stood up from where he had been sitting on the edge of Jisung’s bed.

Jisung took one look at him and froze. His hand tightened so much around the doorknob that he swear he almost broke it off. The metal dug painfully into his skin as he glared at Felix.

“How the _fuck_ did you get in here?” Jisung demanded.

“I picked the lock,” Felix said, fidgeting. He looked like shit. His hair was messy, his skin was paler than usual, and there were dark rings under his eyes. Not to mention how his eyes themselves looked…different.

Jisung glared at him. “And why the fuck would you do that? Why are you here?”

As Felix opened his mouth to respond, Jisung held up a hand. “Oh, wait, let me guess—Seungmin sent you.”

“No, I came here on my own,” Felix said. “But it’s about Seungmin. And you.”

“Bullshit. You have ten seconds to get out of here before I throw you out myself.”

Felix took a step forward, his eyes full of pain. “Please, let me explain.”

“One,” Jisung said. “Two. Three. Four—”

“Jisung—”

“Five. Six.” Jisung raised his voice. “Don’t make me reach ten. I swear to god—”

Felix suddenly lunged forward, and Jisung tensed instinctively. But Felix just threw his arms around him tightly, trying desperately to hold onto him.

Something inside Jisung snapped, and he shoved Felix as hard as he could away from him. Felix lost his balance and fell to the floor. He looked up at Jisung in shock.

Jisung took a step towards him, making him flinch. Jisung wanted to hit him. Feel his delicate nose break under his fist. Make him bleed.

“Do it,” Hyunjin murmured in the back of his mind.

Jisung clenched his fists instead and forced himself to take a step back. He wasn’t like Hyunjin. He wasn’t going to react violently.

“Coward,” Hyunjin spat.

Jisung avoided Felix’s gaze as he pointed at the door and growled, “Get out.”

Felix didn’t move.

“I said, _get out_!” Jisung yelled.

“What did you do?” Felix whispered. He sounded terrified. Jisung finally looked at him. Felix looked paler than he had ever seen him, like he had seen a ghost. “What deal did you make with him?”

"I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jisung scoffed.

“Seungmin woke up screaming in the middle of the night,” Felix said, swallowing. “I thought someone was murdering him. He was just dreaming. But you know what happened when I finally woke him up?” He lifted a shaking hand to his throat and traced a line across it. “There were bruises on his throat. Just like yours.”  
Jisung didn’t respond to that. Instead, he hissed, “Get out of my apartment.”

Felix shook his head, his eyes already glistening with tears. “Please, Jisung, just listen to—”

“ _Get out!_ ”

“No! I’m not leaving you!”

Jisung stepped forward without meaning to, and Felix tensed. He was still shaking.

“Good,” Hyunjin said, still in the back of Jisung’s mind. “He deserves to be afraid.”

Jisung shouldn’t be here. He was too emotional. The last thing he wanted was to snap like Hyunjin used to and hurt Felix, even if Felix _did_ deserve it. Jisung didn’t really need anything from here anyways. He’d just buy new clothes at a store on the way to the airport. He’d start from scratch again in whatever country he stopped in.

As he turned to leave the apartment, though, Felix said, “Wait, Jisung—” He jumped up and grabbed Jisung’s wrist.

Jisung didn’t even think, he just reacted. He whirled around and punched Felix right in the face.

Felix let out a cry and stumbled backwards again, holding his nose. Blood seeped through his fingers as he looked at Jisung with wide, wounded eyes.

Jisung should feel awful about punching his only friend, but he only felt a rush of satisfaction. Felix deserved that. Besides, he wasn’t Jisung’s friend. He was a complete stranger.

“Hit him again,” Hyunjin said. His voice didn’t sound like it was in his head anymore. He sounded like he was right next to him. A chill crept over Jisung’s skin like a whisper, raising the hair on the back of his neck.

Felix made some terrified choking sound. He wasn’t looking at Jisung, though. He was looking at something over his shoulder.

“Why are you hesitating?” Hyunjin asked Jisung. “Hit him again. Make him hurt more. Doesn’t he deserve it? And won’t you feel better afterwards?”

“Jisung,” Felix whispered. “Jisung, he’s _right there._ ”

“Of course I’m here,” Hyunjin murmured. He reached out and ran a hand through the hair on the back of Jisung’s head. “I told you I’d be back for you, didn’t I?”

“I…I thought I’d have more time,” Jisung said.

Hyunjin snorted. “Well, time’s up, Jisungie. I did what you asked. Seungmin’s currently mumbling to himself and rocking back and forth on the floor of his bathroom. Time for you to hold up your end of the deal.”

His hand slipped around to the side of Jisung’s head, where his icy cold fingers gently pushed Jisung’s chin to his left. Jisung caught sight of Hyunjin standing behind him. It was enough of a glimpse to know that whatever was standing behind him was _not_ Hyunjin. And it hadn’t been for a long time.

Jisung let out a shriek and tried to pull away, but the fingers clamped down tightly on his chin, forcing him to look towards the _thing_ that was definitely not Hyunjin. He squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to look at it.

He always knew Hyunjin was a monster, but he didn’t think he’d look so horrifying.

“ _Don’t touch him!_ ” Felix screamed, and suddenly the fingers recoiled with a hiss coming from Hyunjin. A moment later the hiss turned into ahigh-pitched, inhuman shriek that felt like it was radiating from every single inch inside of Jisung’s head. Jisung cried out and grabbed the sides of his head, but, as quickly as it started, it stopped, like Hyunjin had just vanished into thin air. The chill receded. Jisung felt a warm arm wrap around him and tug him towards something equally warm and solid.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked, holding on tight. “Jisung?”

Jisung managed to nod. “I—I think so.”

Felix hummed in response. Then he whispered, “What the _fuck_ did you do?”

“I—I don’t know. A mistake.”

“No fucking shit! You made a deal with a demon, that’s what you did!”

“That…that’s not Hyunjin,” Jisung whispered.

“No,” Felix agreed.

“Why did he just leave like that?”

“I made him leave.” Felix held something up. A silver crucifix dangled from a silver chain, held tightly in his bloodied hand. “You should probably wear this,” he added, putting the chain around Jisung’s neck. “It won’t hold him off forever. We need to get somewhere safe.”

Jisung had no choice but to nod. “Can I change first?”

Felix gave a small smile. “Yes. You can change first.”

A brisk, ten-minute walk later, they were walking up the steps of an old church, even though Jisung was hissing at Felix that he didn’t belong there, and Felix kept dismissing him. They stepped inside, which was empty and drafty and smelled like incense. Felix paused to dip his finger in the holy water font. When Jisung didn’t move, Felix elbowed him. Jisung sighed and dipped his finger in the water as well. He tried not to roll his eyes as he followed Felix’s lead and made the sign of the cross with it.

They walked down the aisle, where Jisung stared at the gaudy altar at the other end, garnished with curling wood and golden accents. There was even a life-sized crucifix hanging over it. Jisung tried not to stare at how horrifyingly realistic it was.

Felix tugged him into a pew, which creaked as they sat on it. Then he pulled down the kneeler and knelt on it. “You should pray,” he told Jisung.

“I don’t pray,” Jisung said. “I don’t believe in any kind of god or religion. It’s all a bunch of bullshit.”

“Really?” Felix made the sign of the cross again as he clasped his hands together in prayer. “Because you might want to start believing. It might be the thing to save you.”

Jisung rolled his eyes again, but he watched as Felix closed his eyes and started praying silently to himself. He could tell that Felix believed. He wondered if it was Felix’s own belief, or if it was someone else’s belief drilled into him since birth.

“Don’t they preach against murder and lying and betrayal?” Jisung asked.

Felix didn’t open his eyes. “They do.”

“Huh. And aren’t they against homosexuality and adultery, too?”

Felix didn’t respond.

“Wow, and you’re _not_ burning up just by sitting here?” Jisung let out a low whistle. “Wow.”

“I went to confession,” Felix hissed.

“Oh, and that made everything better, didn’t it.”

“Everybody sins. Everybody makes mistakes. We just need to admit when we’re wrong and ask for forgiveness and try to avoid doing it again in the future.”

“How convenient.” Jisung crossed his arms.

Felix made the sign of the cross again and sat back in the pew, apparently done with whatever bullshit prayer he had been saying. He stared straight ahead at the altar as he whispered, “I’m not going to make excuses. What I did to you was wrong, and I know you’ll probably never forgive me, but I’m still sorry.”

Jisung snorted. “People who say sorry never really mean it.”

“I mean it,” Felix said.

“Yeah, sure.”

Felix decided to change the subject. “You sent Hyunjin after Seungmin. You sent _a demon_ after him.”

“I just asked him to scare Seungmin off,” Jisung scoffed. “Just to get Seungmin to leave me alone.”

“Uh huh. And you promised him your soul in return?”

“I didn’t know what he meant at the time, but I knew he wanted me.”

“You do realize that his deal meant nothing, right? It doesn’t matter that Seungmin won’t come after you, because you’ll be dead.”

“I’m starting to realize that, yes.” Jisung slouched in the pew.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Felix asked.

“I don’t know. Probably nothing.” Jisung sighed. “I can’t do anything about it. I can’t stay in a church forever. Well, I could, but I don’t think being a priest or an altar boy is really my forte.”

“Did you do something to piss Hyunjin off?” Felix asked.

“Everything pisses Hyunjin off,” Jisung said. “ _You_ piss him off because you were getting in between us. And also because you murdered him. So really, you should be asking yourself that.”

Felix didn’t respond directly to that. “Something’s keeping Hyunjin from resting peacefully. Maybe it’s me, or maybe it’s something you did. Maybe it’s both. Regardless, we either need to make up for it so he can rest peacefully, or destroy him completely.”

“How the hell do you destroy a demon? You get an exorcist? Is that why you brought me to this church?”

Felix shook his head. “I’m not entirely sure he’s actually a demon…I don’t know what he is. Maybe he’s a really violent ghost acting like a demon. But I think what we need to do is destroy his attachment to this world.”

Jisung rubbed his temples. “And people think I’m the crazy one. Do you seriously believe in this stuff?”

“I believe in God, and unfortunately that means I have to believe in Satan, too.”

“Uh huh. But fine, I’ll humor you—how do you destroy Hyunjin’s attachment to this world?”

“You destroy his remains.”

Jisung let out a bark of laughter that echoed in the empty church. Felix quickly shushed him, causing Jisung to retort at full volume, “Oh, come on, there’s no one around!”

“Doesn’t matter! Be respectful!” Felix glared at him, and Jisung rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time.

“You’re saying we need to dig up Hyunjin’s body and burn it or something?” Jisung snorted. “That’s not fucked up at all. Where’d you even hear about that? Do they teach that in Sunday school? Are they training you to be little exorcists?”

“I…learned it from Supernatural,” Felix admitted, and Jisung rolled his eyes yet again. “But, come on, their methods make _sense_!”

“Yeah, sure, let’s just go to a graveyard at night and dig up a body and torch it,” Jisung scoffed. “That’s not a crazy idea at all!”

“Do you have a better idea?” Felix demanded. “It’s worth a try!”

“And if it doesn’t work, well, I didn’t expect to live that long anyways.” Jisung scowled. “Life has been nothing but pain. I’m just…done.”

Felix was staring at him in concern, but there was a hint of understanding in his eyes. “It’ll get better,” he whispered. “You’ll be happy, one day.”

“Doubt it,” Jisung said. “I thought moving here meant a fresh start. I thought I could finally get away from Hyunjin and my past and all the pain. But it just caught up with me in the end, like it always does. I can’t ever get away from it.”

Felix didn’t respond, and Jisung clenched his jaw.

“When this is over, if I ever see you again, I swear to god I’ll kill you,” Jisung said.

Felix didn’t even scold him for swearing or threatening him in church. He just stared down at his hands.

“Did you even care at all?” Jisung whispered. “Or was it all just an act? Did it make you sick to be around me all the time? To see me at my worst and have to comfort me just to get me to trust you?”

“I did care,” Felix said, looking up. “I didn’t hate any of it, I swear—”

“You even told me that I didn’t have to worry about you ditching me.” Jisung let out a sharp laugh. “I can’t believe I actually fucking fell for that.”

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispered.

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t fucking cover it.”

“I know…please just let me make it up to you.”

“You’re only helping me get rid of Hyunjin because of what he fucking did to Seungmin,” Jisung said. “Your goddamn _husband_. You don’t care about me or what Hyunjin did to me in the past or what he’s done to me recently. All you care about is Seungmin, who clearly doesn’t care about you in return. Do you know that? Do you know that Seungmin is just using you?”

“After Chan died, I didn’t have anyone,” Felix shot back. “He was _everything_ to me. I was alone and hurt and angry, and my visa was expired and I didn’t have my green card and I was barely making ends meet. Then Seungmin showed up. He offered me a way out. He gave me a purpose again—something to do with my pain and anger. And he kept me from being deported by marrying me. It was _his_ idea. All of it.

“But then I met you…and I started to doubt,” he continued. “I didn’t think you were the person Seungmin had made you out to be. Especially when those bruises appeared out of nowhere. I started to think that you were the victim the whole time and not the perpetrator. I really did care, Jisung—I still do! I know you can’t trust me again, but…” he trailed off, his eyes wide as he frantically thought of what other bullshit to say. “Please, just let me do one thing right. Let me help you get rid of Hyunjin for good.”

“Your plan won’t work,” Jisung said. “Hyunjin’s buried in our hometown. That’s a three day drive from here or a five-hour flight. There’s no way Hyunjin won’t attack me the moment we step out of this church. Even a stupid silver crucifix isn’t going to keep him away.”

“Then we’ll send someone else there,” Felix said. “Seungmin—”

“ _Fuck_ Seungmin.”

“Fine.” Felix thought for a moment, his eyes landing on the altar again. He raised his eyebrows. “Then we can have one of the priests give you a blessing. That and the crucifix should ward off Hyunjin long enough for us to get to the graveyard. We can even ask if we can take some holy water, too.”

“You really think your religion will solve anything.” Jisung snorted.

“It’s better than nothing,” Felix snapped.

They glared at each other for a few moments.

Then Jisung said stiffly, “Fine.”

“Good.”

More glaring.

Felix moved first by standing up. “The rectory is just next door. Stay here. I’ll go get the priest.”

“You sure you should leave me alone with your god?” Jisung asked as Felix scooted past him and slipped out of the pew. “He might smite me just by existing.”

“God doesn’t smite people,” Felix said.

“That’s not what I’ve heard.”

Felix didn’t reply and walked away.

Jisung didn’t know what to do other than look up at the massive crucifix above the altar. He wondered if it gave little kids nightmares from the blood oozing from all the wounds to the twisted look of anguish on the face. Hell, it would probably give _him_ nightmares.

He couldn’t help squirming anyways for the five or so minutes Felix was gone.

When Felix finally came back, smiling and talking with an older man dressed in the typical black attire of a priest, Jisung couldn’t help feeling relieved. He stood up quickly, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have.

“This is Han Jisung, Father,” Felix was saying, smiling at the priest before looking at Jisung. The look in his eyes said, _Behave_.

“Traveling, are we?” The priest smiled at Jisung. Strange, he didn’t look like a pedophile to him. But Jisung supposed most pedophile priests didn’t look like pedophile priests, which got people to trust them.

“Ah, yep,” Jisung said, glancing at Felix. Should he say “yes sir” or “yes, Father” or “yes, O Holy One”?

“We’re visiting friends for the weekend, and Jisung gets nervous on flights,” Felix explained to the priests.

“Absolutely terrified,” Jisung agreed.

“Ah, I can understand that!” The priest smiled again as he opened up his book. “I’m a bit of a nervous flyer myself. Always need to bring sleeping pills along with me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind!” Jisung said, forcing a smile.

Thankfully, there was no painful smalltalk after that, and the blessing began. Jisung waited to see if he would feel different—if some magical buzz would overcome him, or maybe a fire burning fervently in his chest for God—but nothing came. He felt normal. Well, scratch that. He felt annoyed and antsy, especially as Felix chitchatted with the priest for a few minutes _after_ the blessing, delaying their departure from this god-forsaken church.

When they finally got out of the church, Jisung looked at Felix and said, “Isn’t it a sin to lie?”

“I didn’t lie,” Felix said. “Hyunjin can be classified as an old friend. It’s almost the weekend. _And_ you’re going to be nervous on this flight because you don’t know if your demonic ex-boyfriend is going to show up to steal your soul.”

Jisung snorted and shook his head. “And you wonder why people don’t trust Catholics.”

Felix responded by smacking him upside the head.

*

So, technically Felix didn’t lie, because Jisung did feel nervous all throughout the flight. Or more like scared shitless.

He kept scanning the faces of the passengers and flight attendants, expecting to see a hauntingly familiar face among them. He found himself reaching up for the crucifix hanging around his neck, just for a meager sense of comfort. Though, as soon as he caught himself doing that, he immediately dropped it with a scoff.

He forced his eyes to stay open the entire flight, too jittery and nervous to sleep, though also too scared to close them. He tried watching something on his phone, then stared out the window, then shifted constantly in an attempt to get comfortable.

Eventually his restlessness caught Felix’s attention, because he reached out and placed his hand on top of Jisung’s. Jisung jerked his hand away like Felix had burned him. Felix quickly drew back his hand, though Jisung saw the wounded expression on his face.

“It’s okay,” Felix murmured. “You’re safe.”

“For now,” Jisung said.

Felix didn’t reply. He didn’t try touching him again, either.

Somehow, they got through the entire flight without an incident. Jisung thought it was too lucky to be true. He was sure that the moment they stepped off the plane, something would attack him.

But again, nothing came.

Maybe the blessing and the crucifix really did work.

“I bet he’s going to show the moment we get to the gr—our destination,” Felix said as they got their bags and walked out to meet their Uber. “We need to be prepared. Which is why I packed my other crucifixes, a bible, a rosary, and some holy water. I wanted to bring a silver knife but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get on the plane with it, so I didn’t bring it. Maybe we should stop at a pawn shop on the way and buy one.”

“You’re so fucking weird,” Jisung mumbled.

Felix looked strangely hurt at that. “I’m trying to help you, Jisung.”

Jisung snorted. “Yeah. Sure.”

They didn’t really speak on the drive over. Jisung kept wringing his hands and glancing around the car, waiting for Hyunjin to pop up and strangle the driver and then Felix and then Jisung.

Somehow, they reached the graveyard without a problem. It was dusk at that point. If the Uber driver thought that it was strange of them to be going to a graveyard at night, he didn’t comment on it. He just dropped them off at the gates and drove off.

Jisung looked at the gates with trepidation. A cold feeling had settled into the pits of his stomach. For some reason, he didn’t think this would end well.

Felix reached out and took his hand. This time, Jisung didn’t pull away. He needed someone to keep him grounded.

As they walked into the graveyard, Jisung found himself clinging tighter and tighter to Felix’s hand and drawing closer and closer to him until their shoulders were brushing. Felix glanced down at their hands at one point but didn’t say anything about Jisung squeezing too tight. With each step closer to Hyunjin’s grave, Jisung trembled more and more as the cold feeling in his stomach grew and grew, to the point where he was wobbling with each step and struggling to breathe. Oddly enough, he found himself silently wishing for this to go well and for someone to protect him. He wasn’t sure if that counted as praying or not.

When Hyunjin’s grave finally came into view, though, Jisung realized they had another problem.

He slammed to a stop as a figure stood up from where it had been sitting on the bench across from Hyunjin’s grave. Jisung let out an involuntary whimper as he took a step back, partially hiding behind Felix. But then the figure stepped closer, and Jisung recognized him.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” he demanded, still hiding behind Felix. “Here to torture me to death?”

“No,” Seungmin said.

Jisung glanced at Felix, who wouldn’t meet his gaze. That’s when he figured out what this was.

He jerked away from Felix. “You fucking—”

“Yes, I called him,” Felix said, turning towards him and holding up his hands as though to calm Jisung. “But it’s not what you think it is.”

Jisung made some strangled sound in the back of his throat as he took several steps away from him. “That’s what this was? The whole thing was just another trap? What are you going to do, stab me to death and let me bleed out on Hyunjin’s grave as some sort of sick sense of justice?”

There were tears in his eyes again. He couldn’t believe he had fallen for this yet again. He wondered if Felix had ever really planned this to begin with, or if he had seen Hyunjin and had run with it.

Jisung truly felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t think he could feel worse than he did when Felix first betrayed him, but oh, how wrong he was.

“Jisung.” Felix was gesturing for him to calm down. “He’s not here to hurt you.”

“Save it, Felix, I’m not falling for your lies anymore,” Jisung scoffed, taking a step back when Felix took a step forward.

“It’s not a lie!” Felix insisted.

“I’m just here to help,” Seungmin said, and he held up a shovel.

Jisung paused at the sight of the shovel. He then realized that he and Felix didn’t have anything to dig up the grave, since they clearly couldn’t bring a couple of shovels, gasoline, and a lighter on the plane. Well, Felix had a lighter, but that was about it.

Now that he took a closer look, he saw two other shovels lying at Seungmin’s feet, as well as a can of gasoline.

This could still be a trick. Seungmin and Felix could plan to hit him over the head with a shovel when he wasn’t looking and then bury him alive. That seemed like something they’d do.

“Are you just going to stand there and cry, or are we going to start digging?” Seungmin scoffed, tossing a shovel to Jisung. Jisung caught it, but he still eyed Seungmin suspiciously.

In the dim moonlight, he could just barely make out the mottled bruises around Seungmin’s throat. They looked practically identical to what Jisung’s had been when they were fresh.

“With the three of us working together, we could have this dug up within an hour,” Felix said, picking up his own shovel. He clenched his jaw and slid the shovel into the dirt of Hyunjin’s grave. Seungmin and Jisung watched as he scooped it up and dumped it to the side, then stuck the shovel in again. He glanced at the other two and scoffed, “Well? Hurry up.”

Seungmin and Jisung eyed each other one last time before getting to work.

They worked in silence. Nothing could be heard but the sound of the shovels sliding into the dirt and the rustling of the wind through the leaves and the occasional hoot of an owl. Every now and then, Jisung glanced up at the other two. He was constantly on edge, prepared to turn the shovel into a weapon the moment one of them stepped towards him. He knew he was being somewhat paranoid, but he couldn’t help it—he couldn’t trust _either_ of them.

When they were about halfway done, Seungmin paused to catch his breath and leaned against his shovel. Jisung could feel his eyes on him, and his sweaty grip on his own shovel tightened.

Seungmin continued to just stare at him, and Jisung finally had enough.

“What?” he snapped, looking up.

“Nothing,” Seungmin said.

“You’re looking at me like you have something to say, so either say it or get the fuck back to work and stop staring at me.”

Seungmin, strangely enough, went back to work and stopped staring at him.

They dug for a few minutes more, and then Felix said, “Do you think he’ll reappear once we get closer? Like the closer we get to destroying him, the more angry and dangerous he’ll become?”

“Just don’t let him choke you,” Jisung said. “That’s like his signature move. He goes for the throat. As long as you keep him away from your throat, you should be fine.”

Felix just nodded.

It was Jisung who hit the coffin first. And the moment he did, a chill descended over them, noticeable enough that all three of them froze. Felix and Jisung looked at each other. Both of their breaths became visible in the air.

“He’s here,” Felix whispered.

“Keep digging,” Jisung said.

They did, and they picked up the pace even though their shoulders and backs were already screaming in pain from digging for so long. They cleared away the dirt from the coffin, and then Seungmin paused.

“One of us needs to climb out and get the gasoline,” he said, since the grave had become too deep for them to reach, so they had had to climb into the grave to continue digging.

“He’s going to be out there,” Felix whispered.

Seungmin nodded. His eyes went to Jisung, and Jisung clenched his jaw. He knew what Seungmin was thinking—since Hyunjin was Jisung’s fault in the first place, then he should be the one to put himself in the most danger and get the gasoline.

Felix must have realized this as well, because he said, “I’ll go.”

“No,” Seungmin said immediately. “Make Jisung go.”

“If Jisung goes, then Hyunjin will pounce on him and steal his soul,” Felix scoffed. “We can’t let that happen.”

“The hell we can’t,” Seungmin mumbled.

Felix pulled the holy water out of his pocket. “I’ll be okay. I’ll be fast. Technically you two need to climb out of this grave too if you don’t want to light up with the coffin.”

“We’ll all go,” Jisung said, gripping his shovel. “He can’t take all of us.”

Seungmin was glaring at him, but eventually he nodded. “Fine. I’ll climb out first and pull you up.”

“Wait, put this on.” Felix pulled out a rosary and held it out to Seungmin. Jisung didn’t miss the soft smile Seungmin gave him as he took the rosary from him. For some reason, it made him seethe with jealousy.

“Technically rosaries aren’t supposed to be worn as necklaces, but I’m sure God will understand in this situation,” Felix added, smiling back at Seungmin.

Seungmin slipped the rosary around his neck. Then, with one last glance at Jisung, he climbed out of the hole.

Jisung waited to hear the screams, but nothing came. Instead, Seungmin reappeared at the edge of the hole and held out a hand for Felix. Felix clasped his arm and let Seungmin help him up. Jisung stepped up too, half expecting Seungmin to just leave him to get out on his own. But Seungmin reached down and helped him up regardless.

It was even colder out of the grave. Jisung shivered involuntarily and glanced around. A fog had descended upon the graveyard, becoming so thick that Jisung couldn’t see more than five feet or so.

Seungmin stiffened beside him. “This isn’t good.”

“Just move quickly,” Jisung said. “Felix—”

He looked where Felix had been standing, only to find that he wasn’t there anymore.

His stomach dropped.

“Felix!” Jisung screamed.

“I’m right here!” Felix’s voice said somewhere in the fog. “It’s okay, Jisungie, it’s just fog.”

Jisung was about to let out a sigh of relief when he realized something.

“You’ve never called me Jisungie,” he said.

Felix laughed at that right as something stepped out of the fog. Something that was back to looking human, though his mouth stretched a little too wide and his teeth shone a little too brightly. He practically radiated _evil_.

“Hi, Jisungie,” Hyunjin said.

Before Jisung could react, Seungmin let out a yell and swung his shovel at Hyunjin. It passed right through Hyunjin’s head, and a moment later, Hyunjin disappeared.

Jisung gripped his shovel and looked around. The fog was thicker now as it swirled around them. He backed up several steps until his back was pressed up against Seungmin’s.

“Felix!” Seungmin yelled. “Felix!”

A laugh echoed around them, making Jisung tense. He couldn’t tell whose laugh it was. It could have been Felix’s or Hyunjin’s.

“He got him,” Jisung whispered, his voice trembling. “Hyunjin got Felix, he’s probably dead right now—”

“Shh.” Seungmin gripped his shovel tightly. “We just need to get the gasoline and light up the coffin. Then all of this will go away.”

Jisung nodded.

“You’ll watch my back?” Seungmin asked.

“Only if you’ll watch mine,” Jisung said.

Seungmin nodded at him, and Jisung nodded back. Then they both tightened their grips on their shovels and stepped into the fog.

The moment they stepped into it, Jisung was blinded. He couldn’t see a thing. He couldn’t even see Seungmin. He tried stepping back until they were back-to-back again, but he just kept walking, and nothing appeared. He whirled around, causing the fog to swirl around him as well. Seungmin was nowhere to be seen.

“Seungmin?” Jisung shouted. “Felix?”

No response. Just his own voice echoing back at him.

Jisung was breathing more heavily now, and his grip on the shovel was slippery, but he refused to let the terror get the best of him. He was done being some scared, whiny victim. He was _done_ letting Hyunjin get to him.

So he spread his arms wide and yelled, “I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!”

“You should be,” Hyunjin murmured right by his ear.

Jisung whirled around and swung the shovel at him. It just passed through empty air. 

Hyunjin laughed at him, the sound seeming to come from all directions.

Jisung clenched his jaw and stood his ground. Hyunjin didn’t scare him. Hyunjin was dead. He was nothing but a ghost now, doing his best to still control him through fear. Well, Jisung was _done_ being afraid.

“Where are you?” he yelled. “Stop hiding and come out, you fucking poltergeist!”

“Poltergeist?” Hyunjin again sounded like he was everywhere at once. “If you insist.”

A stone flew at Jisung out of the fog. Jisung used the shovel like a bat and smacked it away from him. He turned slowly, looking for any sort of movement in the fog.

“That the best you can do you crazy bastard?” Jisung muttered to himself.

Another object flew out of the fog. Jisung swung at it but missed. It smacked him right in the chest. He stumbled, a bit fazed by the pain, and that hesitation cost him. Suddenly Hyunjin was right in front of him, smirking a bit too widely to be human. Jisung tried to swing the shovel back at him, but Hyunjin was faster. He planted both hands on Jisung’s chest and shoved.

Suddenly Jisung was falling through empty air. The fall was short but still painful as he collided with something unforgiving, and pain exploded through his body, making him groan. Walls of solid earth rose six feet around him, though from this angle it looked as though they were twice as high. The edge looked so far out of reach.

Jisung tried to get up, but the pain from the fall was too much. He slumped back agains the coffin, groaning again.

A face appeared over the edge. Seungmin. He was holding something. He dumped it into the grave. Jisung flinched when something cold and wet splattered his face, and his heart leapt into his throat.

“Seungmin! No! Stop!” Jisung tried to get up again, but this time an invisible weight appeared on his body and held him down. He fought against it and screamed at Seungmin, all to no avail. He had no choice but to watch as Seungmin held up the lighter and let it fall.

Flames flooded the grave. Jisung screamed as they spread over him, trying desperately to get away from them, to get away from the pain—

The _pain._ Jisung was no stranger to pain, but this…this was worse than anything he had ever felt before. It came from everywhere, searing into his skin, only growing worse and worse and never subsiding in the slightest. No matter how much he struggled or tried to get away from it, the pain just increased, to the point where it was blinding.

He knew he was screaming, but he didn’t think anyone would hear him. He should have known better.

Hyunjin appeared on top of him, proving that he was the weight holding Jisung down this entire time. He smiled down at Jisung, clearly enjoying this.

“I can make it stop,” Hyunjin whispered, reaching out to brush the back of his hand against Jisung’s cheek. “I can make all of this go away. You just have to do one, simple thing for me.”

Jisung wanted to resist, but his mouth moved without him. “ _Anything_.”

Hyunjin’s smile widened further. “Kiss me.”

 _No_ , said a voice that sounded like Felix in the back of Jisung’s mind. _No, Jisung!_

It was just one kiss, though. One kiss and all this pain would go away. Didn’t Jisung want that? Didn’t he want to feel loved for once?

As Jisung lifted his head to meet Hyunjin, though, something flashed silver through the air and collided with Hyunjin’s head with a sickening squelch. Hyunjin let out one of those inhuman shrieks as he fell to the side, off of Jisung. The weight lifted off of Jisung’s chest, allowing him to move and breathe. At the same time, the flames and pain disappeared, proving that they weren’t real in the first place.

Seungmin stood over him, out of breath and welding a silver hatchet.

“Come on!” he said, grabbing onto Jisung and pulling him to his feet.

They climbed out of the hole as fast as they could, though Jisung collapsed onto his hands and knees the moment they were out. Hyunjin screamed again from the grave, only to be cut off by a dull thud and a squelch as Seungmin used the hatchet to knock him into the grave again when he tried to get out.

There was more movement out of the corner of Jisung’s eye, and he looked up to see Felix dumping the gasoline into the grave. Felix wasted no time pulling out the lighter and dropping it into the grave.

Jisung threw his hands over his head when the flames erupted this time. Hyunjin started those awful, bloodcurdling screams again as the fire trapped him in the grave and slowly ate away at him.

Everything about it made Jisung sick to his stomach. He barely managed to scramble away from Seungmin before he puked, becoming so shaky that he couldn’t hold himself up. He fell to the side, wanting nothing more than to just curl up into a little ball and disappear.

So much for being brave.

He felt a hand on his hair while another ran comfortingly down his back. He shuddered from the touch.

“It’s okay, Jisung,” Felix said. “It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re safe. You’re safe.”

Jisung swallowed and reached out in the direction of Felix’s voice. The hand on his hair disappeared as it took Jisung’s hand instead and gently pulled him upright. Then both arms wrapped around him, and he realized he was in Felix’s lap.

“He’s gone,” Seungmin said. His voice sounded strangely soft and relieved. “He’s finally gone.”

Felix gave Jisung a comforting squeeze. “We did it.”

“He’s really gone,” Jisung whispered. It didn’t seem real. It seemed too good to be true.

All of the fear and pain went rushing out, replaced by relief and exhaustion. This time, Jisung couldn’t hold back anymore.

He started crying.

*

Jisung never thought he’d be back in his hometown so soon, but here he was. In Seungmin’s townhouse, of all things. And not tied to a chair, either, but free to move about as he pleased. He was basically Seungmin’s guest. Even that wasn’t the strangest thing Jisung had heard all day.

He hadn’t been able to sleep at all last night. Every time he closed his eyes, he expected to see Hyunjin. Instead, he just saw the flames and felt the lingering memory of the burning pain, and it was enough to make him jolt awake again. He couldn’t wait until the sky began to lighten. He didn’t know how much more of this darkness he could take.

When the sky finally began to lighten, he slipped out of bed, wrapped a blanket around himself, and tiptoed downstairs. He went outside, on the front porch, and sat down in one of the cushioned wicker chairs to watch the sunrise.

It was so still. The air smelled so fresh and crisp. There were still crickets singing, but they were getting softer and softer as the birds began to wake up and announce the new day with their chirps.

Jisung had never really been a morning person, but he had to admit that this was nice. Peaceful. Even if it felt crushingly lonely, being the only person awake.

He heard the creak of the stairs in the house, and a moment later the door opened. Felix peered out at him, the rings under his eyes clearly stating that he hadn’t slept well either. His skin still hadn’t regained its healthy, golden glow, which made the bruises around his neck even uglier.

Hyunjin had attacked Felix as well last night. He had snatched Felix right into the fog and had tried to strangle him just like he had done with Seungmin and Jisung. By a pure stroke of luck, Seungmin had found his way through the fog and had swung at Hyunjin with the shovel. The shovel hadn’t done anything but pass through Hyunjin’s head, but it was enough to get him off of Felix. Of course, then Hyunjin had turned on Seungmin. The only reason the two of them got away was because Felix grabbed a silver hatchet Seungmin had brought along and used it to hit Hyunjin. Apparently Seungmin had thought they would need the hatchet to get the coffin open, but it turned out to be much more useful in fighting Hyunjin off instead.

Jisung would never admit this out loud…but he was kind of glad for Seungmin’s preparedness.

“Can I sit with you?” Felix asked Jisung, his voice hoarse. 

Jisung hesitated, but nodded.

Felix gave him a small smile before sitting down in the wicker chair next to him. They stared out at the neighborhood together, watching the sky gradually grow lighter and lighter. It was a lovely shade of pink right now.

Jisung could see Felix glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Just say what you need to say,” Jisung said.

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispered. “For everything. I know you don’t like apologies because you don’t think they mean anything, but…I need you to know that I’m sorry.”

Jisung didn’t respond. In all honesty, he had somewhat forgiven Felix already. After all, Felix had helped him fight off Hyunjin and had comforted him right after. Jisung even forgave Seungmin. Sorta. If it weren’t for Seungmin, Jisung would have burned alive in that grave. Or he would have kissed Hyunjin. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

The door to the townhouse opened again, and Seungmin stepped out, holding two mugs of steaming coffee.

“Figured we’d need this today,” he said, his voice gravelly from the lack of sleep. He handed one mug to Felix, who smiled up at him gratefully, then held out the other to Jisung.

When Jisung hesitated, Seungmin added, “It’s not poisoned.”

“Drink it, then,” Jisung said.

Seungmin shrugged, took a sip, and swallowed. Then he held out the mug to Jisung again.

Jisung took it, begrudgingly.

Seungmin went back into the house and returned with his own mug of coffee, which he sipped at as he leaned against the railing of the porch.

All of them were silent for several minutes. Felix kept glancing in between Seungmin and Jisung, and Jisung and Seungmin kept glaring straight ahead. There was an obvious tension, but Jisung didn’t want to be the one to cut it.

Of course it was Felix who broke it.

“What are you going to do?” he asked Jisung softly.

“Leave,” Jisung said. “Go to another country. Start over. Try to get as far away from here and from you as possible.”

“Will you change your name?”

“If it keeps you from finding me, then yes.”

Felix’s shoulders slumped at that.

“You don’t have to leave,” Seungmin said.

“Yes, I do,” Jisung murmured.

Seungmin paused before saying, “You don’t have to leave right away, then. You can stay for a couple of days.”

“If I don’t leave now, I’ll never leave,” Jisung said. “I have to get away from here.”

_I have to get away from both of you._

“I can’t say anything to keep you from leaving, can I?” Felix asked.

“No.” Jisung stood. “You can’t.”

He went back into the house without another word. They didn’t try to call him back.

*

“You really do care about him a lot, don’t you?” Seungmin asked Felix once Jisung was gone.

“I care about both of you,” Felix whispered, staring down at his hands. “The thing is…neither of you feel the same way in return.”

“I care about you,” Seungmin said.

“But you don’t love me.”

Seungmin stayed silent, probably trying to figure out a way to answer, but that in itself was his answer.

Felix sighed. “That’s okay. I already knew that.”

“I do care about you, though,” Seungmin said. “I could grow to love you.”

Felix had already figured that much, too. The strange thing, though, was that he wasn’t entirely disappointed. “I think I could grow to love you, too,” he said. “It’ll give me time to heal.”

Seungmin nodded, though he looked at the door to the house. “What about Jisung?”

“I can’t make him stay,” Felix said. “I’ll just let him go.”

It still hurt, though. Even if Jisung didn’t love Felix back, he was still Felix’s friend. They had had a bond before Felix betrayed him, and now they’d never get that bond back. It would probably become Felix’s biggest regret.

He and Seungmin fell silent again as the sky grew steadily lighter. It was a brilliant orange now, streaked with gold. Beautiful.

The door to the house opened again, and Jisung stepped back out, the blanket and mug traded for his duffel bag instead. His eyes fell on Felix as he stiffly held something out to him.

“Here,” he said. “I don’t need this anymore.”

Felix set his mug on the tiny glass table in between the chairs and stood. He held out his hand, letting Jisung drop whatever he was holding into it.

It was the silver crucifix.

Felix swallowed and looked up at Jisung, who had no emotion in his face whatsoever. Suddenly Felix was reminded of when he first saw him—some shy kid at a coffee shop, with a t-rex shirt and chubby cheeks and a spark of hope in his eyes. He remembered the way that kid had blushed so easily and used to grin and laugh like he didn’t have a care in the world, how he had always seemed so timid but so desperate for any kind of connection, how he had always grinned back at Felix whenever he saw him. Then he remembered the look on his face when Felix almost kissed him, how he had broken down when he thought Felix would abandon him, how tightly he hugged Felix back when Felix assured him that he would never leave him.

Then Felix remembered how Jisung had pushed him away, since he thought it was easier to be the one to leave first than to be the one who was always abandoned in the end.

Felix’s hand closed tightly around the crucifix.

“Stay,” he whispered to Jisung. “Please. Stay with me. Just for a few days.”

The way Jisung looked back at him, he wondered if Jisung was remembering all the times they’d had together too.

He wondered if Jisung was thinking about them in light of Felix’s betrayal, or in the way things had been at the time.

 _Please,_ Felix said silently. _Please, stay. You don’t have to be alone anymore._

After what felt like an eternity, Jisung dropped his duffel bag.

“Okay,” he said.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> you can tell at the exact moment I was like ENOUGH ANGST and it takes this weird horror turn lmao. Imagine, ME getting sick of angst and writing something spooky instead. Are pigs flying?
> 
> also my FAV part is the church and the graveyard scenes like...I love how those turned out. Fun fact--I couldn't write those parts at night like I usually do bc I freaked myself out with the weird ghost/demon shit. I am the ultimate wimp. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!


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